What NOT to Say!!

So, we are about 19 weeks pregnant with 3 very lucky girls.  The IP's have yet to pick out any names, but I've given them all little nicknames.  "A", "B", and "C" is just not fun enough for me!!  I've gotten pretty big, as you can tell, and I'm measuring the size of a 7 month singleton pregnancy! So, in a couple months I will definitely have reached my max!!

I've been doing my best to adjust to this HUGE life-changing event and I think I am getting the hang of it.  But, knowing my luck, once things start going well, I will be thrown a curve-ball and stuck with some sort of challenge.  However, our perinatologist gave me a little bit of hope and said the next few weeks should be my best weeks.  Although the uncomfortability may increase, I should be feeling most like myself these days.  My oldest son, Jackson, started his first year of tee-ball and I volunteered to be team mom!!  I have been looking forward to this for so long and so far I have been successfully fulfilling my duties... YAY!!  And today, we started parent and me swim class with both Jack and Max and nothing stopped me from participating... another YAY!!  I have slowly realized to put the most important things first and let the smaller events just be put on hold.  Yes, it does take most of the days energy to take my boys out for a small event and I'm usually exhausted when I miss those hours resting, but some things are just worth it.  However, I'm not going to push myself to doing something that just isn't worth that extra effort.  I know others around me have to adjust to this as well and accept the fact that my family and I are MIA a lot, but hopefully they will soon understand. 

This whole experience really has made me stronger (and I probably will say that a million more times).  But, in a way, it has also made me look at others differently.  Believe me, I get my fair share of comments and opinions and I would just like to share to you what NOT to say to me if we ever cross paths.  Some people just don't know how to think before they speak, especially when my hormones are raging and I would no doubt punch them in the face if they caught me at the wrong time... only kidding ;)

"I hope this is all worth it..."
Yes, thanks for reassuring me.  This IS all worth it.  Although those long weeks of vomiting, constant nausea, and fatigue was not the ideal experience, it still got me to my goal.  I haven't had the easiest pregnancy, but people, I'm pregnant with 3 babies!!!  I have had a few bumps along the way, but I have gotten through them and am no where close to my death bed.  These 7 little words bother me more than many people think.  When someone says this to me, I always want to respond with this: "Would you ever say this to me if these babies were mine?  If Cameron and I were experiencing this much hardship with our own pregnancy with our own child/children would all-of-a-sudden this all be more worth it?!?"  I just don't get it.  Are people really that selfish to ask me if giving someone the gift of life is worth this temporary pain I have been enduring?  In my opinion, children are worth any sort of sacrifice whether they are biologically mine or not.  But in all honesty, I think it takes a good mother to realize this.      

"I bet you will never do this again..."
Yes, you are right (for once).  I will never do this again.  But, don't let me give you the satisfaction of feeling correct for once!!  My choice to not wanting to do this again has NOTHING to do with my current situation like you are out to prove.  When I originally set out to become a surrogate, I dedicated myself to one pregnancy and one pregnancy only.  Yes, there are many women out there who strive to be a surrogate for multiple families, but that is not what I set out to do.  I wanted to help a family in need and end my journey there.  I would just like to tell these people, who assume the decision to stop here is a result of the difficult last few months, that they are wrong.  So please put all of that negative thinking behind you.  Do you really think that a comment like this is helping any? 

"I'm sure you are regretting your decision..." 
Regretting my decision?!?  People, you act like I set out on this journey planning on getting pregnant with triplets!!  I don't think that when we went in to transfer these embryos that I sat down and told the doctor to transfer as many as he could so I could be the next Octo-mom!!  For the 12th time, we only transferred 2 embryos.  The chance of one splitting is so rare and highly unlikely.  For some reason, God had a plan for my IP's, and 3 babies it was!!  I'm really sorry if any of you have felt any sort of burden because of my current situation, but there is no way I would change any of it.  I would hope that no one would ever say that to me regarding my own children, so what makes it right to say it to these 3 innocent girls?

Well, all I can really say is that people never know the right thing to say to me or this situation.  Yes, I do understand that most of the people I am associated with has never experienced triplets, let alone surrogacy, but their little comments make me question a lot about them.  I guess that's why I am the surrogate and they're not.  I think people would be more accepting of my situation and maybe a bit more supportive if they got to know my IP's.  My husband and I have gotten really close to them, and as a result, have never questioned our decision to carry their 3 children.  Throughout the past several months, all 4 of us have become great friends and I want nothing more than for them to become parents.  I would endure so much more pain and exhaustion for them to be able to fulfill their dreams.  Throughout this journey, one of my biggest hopes is that these outsiders could gain more of a respect for those like myself and my IP's.  I don't think there is more of a disappointment in life than not being able to conceive naturally.  Without women like myself, some families would be left childless.  I can never imagine that feeling and I wish we all could be more supportive of those less fortunate.      

Girls Already Bringing Drama!!!

Wow!!!

This has been a very eventful week... one I will NEVER forget.  I never knew how much joy and pain I could feel within 24 hours, but I have learned that carrying triplets is like a roller coaster and each day brings on many different challenges.  I never knew how much I would be tested, emotionally and physically, throughout this journey.  I can gladly say that this whole experience will make me, and those close ones around me, better and stronger people.

 

So, here I am awaiting another ultrasound.  Most women, in a normal pregnancy, absolutely LOVE having these done and wish they did more than the 1-2 scheduled scans throughout the 9 months.  Last week, at our 16 week check up, I totally lost count how many times I have been in this position.  My most favorite part of it all, is watching how fascinated and overwhelmed my IP's are.  Every time they have this amazing look on their faces and it all just reassures me that my hard work is paying off.  As we get closer, and I get bigger, these ultrasounds get longer!!  And I don't mean a 45 minute scan here and there.  This ultrasound was well over 2 hours.  We are to expect them to be at least 3 hours from here on out, some can last all day with breaks!!

But, this day was very special for all of us.  We got a sneak peek at the sexes!!!

GIRL... GIRL... GIRL!!! 

So, I guessed 2 out of 3.  I never imagined 3 girls, and neither did the IP's!!  Good thing we were in the ultrasound room for so long because the shock definitely needed time to settle with them.  Of course, girls need the cutest, most fluffy, pink, rhinestone everything!!  From hair bows to ballet shoes, these girls are gonna have it all.  And for those of you who know my IP's, you know they will have more tutu's and designer jeans than your average woman!!

All was well with all 3 babies and they couldn't be healthier.  Prior to finding out the sex of my surro babies, I thought about how my emotions would play out throughout the discovery.  Did it matter to me what I was carrying?  Would I feel different emotions if they were boys or girls?  Or would it not even have the slightest effect on me and I would continue on like I hadn't known?

My husband knows me best, as any husband should when it comes to their wife's personal emotions.  He knows how much I long for having a baby girl in my life.  Some women are satisfied with the children they have.  Don't get me wrong.  I would NEVER change anything about my 2 boys, ever!!  But, something inside me still feels incomplete, like we are still missing something, or somebody.  Yeah, people tell me to be happy with what I have and that I am the best mother to boys, but deep down I know I was meant to mother both of my boys and a little girl.  Whether I am granted this girl by conception or whether I'm destined to adopt, I don't care.  I will have that nursery full of pink, pink, and more pink!!

So, at first my husband and I thought I may have a weird, unnecessary, reaction to carry girls.  But, to my surprise it didn't bother me one bit.  It makes no difference to me what is inside of me.  There was no moment in that day where I felt any sort of jealousy.  I think it was the surrogate mother inside of me, telling me that my day will come for a girl and these parents deserve them more than anyone else.  I am so fortunate to be able to conceive on my own, and I would give 1,000 girls away to people less fortunate before I would grow my own!

No one really wanted one sex over the other.  We all just wanted them to be healthy.  All 3 girls were in perfect shape... but, for me, think again!!

To make a HUGE story short, the following morning I was rushed to the ER and had a visit longer than expected.  Everyone's first thought- the babies!!  Surprisingly, no.  I had unbearable chest pains, shortness of breath, and a very high heart rate.  I found myself lying in the bed with wires and tubes everywhere.  I had blood work done, x-rays, EKG's, oxygen support, etc.  I was scared to death!!  I was finally stable and admitted to the hospital.  The longest 3 days of my life!!  Right away doctors diagnosed me with having pneumonia, but something else just did not seem right.  My heart rate refused to go down, even with my fever gone.  They expected a Pulmonary Embolism, blood clot in the lungs.  However, the only way to know for sure is through a CT scan.  Safe for the babies?  Absolutely not!  So, we waited it out and treated my pneumonia and possible PE.  I have never been so uncomfortable in my life!!  The pain and struggle of the pneumonia was killer, but add triplets to the mix was one horrible experience.  All in all, I healed and was released.

That was one experience I never want to go through again, babies or no babies.  Not only did I put my loved ones on the edge of their seats with worry, but I also had the baby girls' family concerned for all of our health.  I'm doing the best that I can to take care of everyone, but some things are just beyond anyone's control.  I have NEVER been so sick in my life and NEVER want to experience that again.

So, here's to a healthy tomorrow and every day until these little girls are born.  I know there will be many more bumps in the road, but I just hope we all recover smoothly and to the best of our efforts.

This Isn't Easy

14 weeks down, too many to go!!  I can say that I am happily out of the first trimester, no more nausea.  My appetite is slowly coming back and I am gradually gaining all that weight.  I am going to Loma Linda Hospital now, which is AMAZING, every 2 weeks getting ultrasounds and check-ups.  Soon, we will be going every week which will definitely keep me busy.

At our 12 week ultrasound, we got an image of all 3 babies together.  I think this photo is awesome and so unbelievable.  All of those are in me!!!

It's so weird how they already have their own little personalities.  One baby was so calm, trying hard to sleep the whole time.  One baby thought he/she was so cute by striking a pose every time we scanned over them.  And the third baby was so crazy, continuously dancing and hitting the other ones!! All I can say is the IP's are definitely going to have their hands full.

At my 14 week check-up today, we all are doing great and there are no major concerns.  We get to find out the sexes in 2 weeks!!  That will be exciting.  There is a lot of shopping that needs to be done.

As for myself, my emotions and stress has gotten the best of me.  I'm definitely not myself anymore and life seems to become more unpredictable every day that goes by.

No one said it was going to be easy, but no one knows how hard it actually is. 

There are not enough words or emotions to explain to everyone exactly what I am going through and how I am feeling.  Emotionally and physically, I feel that I am already 9 months pregnant and cannot go on for much longer.  Everyday has become a struggle.  I'm not supposed to lift my boys, give them a bath, take them to the park, or simply play hide and seek with them.  I can't take a shower without my husband present in fear that I might pass out.  Blow drying my hair makes me winded.  A 10 minute phone conversation causes me to lose my breath and heart race.  These are just some of the things I have been experiencing and I haven't been too accepting of it.

Yes, although I have the best IP's anyone could ask for who have hired all the help I could need, the mommy of my family is still missing.  I hate seeing someone else perform my duties to my family.  It kills me seeing the puzzled look on Jack and Max's face when mommy is not herself anymore.  Poor little Max doesn't understand why I am not picking him up when he cries.  Although Jackson loves lounging around and watching movies with mommy in bed all the time, he is wondering why I haven't taken them to the park or Disneyland for several weeks.  Yes, someone else can do those things for them, but that's my point.  I am their mommy and my connection with them is slowly being ripped apart.

Although my husband acknowledges my temporary disabilities, my role as a wife is starting to suck.  It takes a days worth of energy to do one load of laundry.  I never have the desire to cook meals anymore and I often send him off to work without a lunch.  Cameron works extremely hard, 50-60 hours a week, and the time we get to spend together has become more of a venting spree for me.  He listens and encourages me more than I deserve, but he misses his wife.

There's not much anyone can say or do that will actually comfort me.  No one understands what I am going through.  I know, I know... I am doing an amazing thing here and it will all be worth it in the end.  I know, I know.... I am doing a great job keeping these babies healthy.  I know, I know... I have so much support and people to talk to.  I know,  I know... this will be over soon.  But, do you know what it feels like to be me right now?  Do you know how it feels physically to carry 3 babies while at the same time trying to raise 2 toddlers?  Do you know how it feels knowing you are probably going to miss your child walking into the gates of his very first day of school and only seeing that milestone in photos? 

I do have to be thankful for the support I am getting.  I have amazing people behind me: dedicated parents-to-be, a sister who would drop anything to help when I need her, a mother who is always 2 steps ahead of me knowing what I need without saying the words, and a husband who would never give up on me and fight with me to the very end.  I love you all and we are going to get through this together.

After a long discussion with some of the hospital staff today, I realized that I'm allowing the pregnancy to take over my life, which is affecting us all.  I am going to start acknowledging my children and husband more and take time to tell each other how much we really mean to one another.  We need to ignore the babies in my belly sometimes and just focus on us, because when this is all over the babies will be gone and the 4 of us will still be here.  We need to continue living our lives as best as we can, and this surprise triplet pregnancy is only a test of our commitment to each other.  God never gives us more than we can handle, and I believe I am going to be just fine.

I'm going to take it day by day, thinking only in the moment and loving my family the way mommy used to!!!

 

Injections, Pills, Meds, UGH!!!

So, 10 weeks finally came!!  Now that I am 12 weeks pregnant with 3 little miracles, I can now dispose of my mini pharmacy.

I don't think anyone, other than those going through fertility treatments, really understands what it takes to get pregnant the "unnatural" way.  When I began this entire process, back in October 2009, I was so thrilled to be able to actually start the medications and follow the never ending calendar of the day-to-day injection schedule.  I was excited to take the 2-3 injections, 6 vitamins, folic acid, steroid pills, and 2 vaginal suppositories each and every day.  My road to surrogacy was actually beginning!

After I had found out that my first attempt at a surrogate pregnancy failed, my whole outlook on taking all these medications changed immediately.  I felt like I had put my body through hell for nothing!!  Not to mention the massive amount of bruising on my back side, but between the hormones and steroids, I had gained over 10 pounds!!!  Clearly, I would have welcomed all of these side effects with open arms if I had something to show for it, but I was left with failure.

Like I have mentioned in a previous blog post, I was tremendously heartbroken that my first IP's decided to quit, but was that much more determined to help another family as soon as possible.

So, the meds continued...

Right from the start, I was so frustrated with the entire process before our transfer day.  The daily med schedule became such a hassle, but I knew I couldn't give up.  It wasn't that I wanted to help this family any less than my first family, but the entire time before the transfer I constantly thought, "what if I'm doing all of this for nothing, again?" After my transfer, and those long days of waiting for results, I continued with the medications.  At one point, I had a total breakdown.  When I originally set out on this journey I told myself I wasn't going to give up until I was successful.  However, after the realization of how hard this whole process was, I did not have it in me to continue if this transfer had failed.  Although I did dedicate myself to my IP's for 3 rounds, there was something inside of me that could not handle more disappointment.

Some of you, especially other surrogates, may be thinking that I am way overreacting to this whole medication issue, but what some don't realize is that I was on medication and injections since October!  I never gave myself a break between attempts, so for 6 months straight I put my body through it all.

So, all I can say is it's all over!

No more shots!  No more pills!!  No more suppositories!!!

I am all too thrilled that I was successful, times 3!!  All of my hard work and dedication paid off.  I can now say bye-bye to all of those needles and pills forever!!!

 

It Has Been Awhile...

Well, it has been awhile since I have updated everyone on how we all are doing. I think this part of my pregnancy makes me very unsociable.  I remember from my last pregnancies how I dreaded making human contact and stayed within my home as much as possible.  I don't know what it is, but I just hate seeing people and talking on the phone!!  So, this update is taking a lot out of me ;)

So, I am about 9 1/2 weeks along now.  We had an 8 week check up and all 3 babies are looking awesome.  They all were measuring equally and on target.  We found out some good news as well.  The identical twins have their own individual sacs, within their shared sac.  This means there will be less of a possibility of twin to twin transfusion syndrome.  We have our final appointment with the fertility doctor this Friday.  If everything looks good, we graduate from the fertility clinic and get to see an OB at Loma Linda Hospital from now on.  We got the best of the best, so we will all be in great hands.

The big question is- How am I doing?  Well, this is not easy.  It is so unlike a normal pregnancy and I feel like I am faced with new challenges everyday.  There is not a day goes by where I feel 100%.  Whether it's nausea, vomiting, dehydration, dizziness, fatigue, constipation, diaherra, bloating, stomach pains, or spotting, it seems I never get to catch a break.  I'm trying my best to not let this all affect my duties to Jackson and Max, but there are times where I just can't do it all.  I hate for them to see me like this, but I know this will soon get better and I can get back to being a good mommy.

I do my best to force myself out of the house.  This past weekend, I took the boys to the beach.  As you can tell, my baby bump popped out already!!  It was so nice to be able to see my boys run around and it helped to keep my mind off of all the pain I have been going through.  It did take a lot of energy out of me, but it was well worth it.

So, now I am on bedrest for 3 days.  I had some spotting over the weekend and am ordered to rest until my appointment on Friday.  I'm sure everything is okay, but we can never be too careful with triplets.  I just have to be so thankful for everyone who is supporting me through all of this.  I have the BEST husband in the world, who works 12 hour days and still comes home to help with house chores and takes care of the boys.  I have the GREATEST mom and sister, who would drop anything to come to my rescue.  And I couldn't ask for better IP's!!  They have been so willing to help with anything that I need.  They are always there to talk with and have given me more support than necessary.  I am so grateful for everyone in my life right now. 

Three Buns in My Oven!!!

Well, it was the moment we all had been waiting for.  How many babies did we have?  Four weeks ago, we had 2 perfect embryos transferred.  Rarely does a fertility doctor transfer just one, since the odds of a pregnancy would make it more unlikely.  With 2 excellent embryos, we have a good chance that one would take.

Waiting for this day, I definitely felt the pregnancy.  I couldn't believe how bad the nausea had gotten and how the exhaustion never stopped.  Something was different than my other pregnancies.

This past Friday was another big day for us.  My husband was there for support, who has been so wonderful, to say the least, throughout this whole process.  The intended parents were out of the country on business, so we had arranged a conference call with them so they could hear everything that was happening.  The doctor began the ultrasound, screen out of my view.  As soon as he placed the tranducer inside, my agency rep gasped and yelled "twins!!"  There were 2 sacs, with 2 heartbeats.   Everyone was so happy and congratulated the couple over and over again.  My husband looked at me in shock, but I knew that was going to be the result.  Both looked perfect and we even got to hear their heartbeats.  The doctor continued with the ultrasound, measuring and checking appearance.  He was in there a good few minutes, and just as he was about to finish, the look on his face changed and everyone looked a bit closer.  "Wait, I think we have identicals," he said so calmly.  "Wait. That means there are three!?!" I asked.  No one knew what to say; we let him do his job.  He finally confirmed what he found, and I finally got to see the screen with 3 beating hearts (one had been hiding in one of the two sacs).

Now that it is a few days later, I am still in shock.  The intended parents couldn't be happier, but they too are still in amazement.  No one expected this to happen; splitting of an embryo is very rare (<1%).  Having three babies inside of me now changes everything, especially because we have a set of identical twins.  There are so many health concerns for both the babies and myself.  This pregnancy is not going to be easy for anyone.  We all have to be very cautious of what might be ahead of us; twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, brain defects, pre-term labor, low birth weight, etc. 

Everything happens for a reason.  I guess God had a plan for the intended parents, and 2 just wasn't enough!!  Splitting of the embryo was beyond any of our control.  Since we are so early in this pregnancy, 6 1/2 weeks, anything can happen.  I just ask everyone to pray for the best health for all of us.  I know it has and will continue to be a constant struggle, but I have to continue to remind myself that I am strong and can get through this.    

A Surrogate Mom Steals Her Babies

Surrogate Mom Faces Her Critics

So, I finally caught the Dr. Phil special on Shelly Baker.  If you get a chance, click on the link above to watch some clips.  As a surrogate, and as a mother, I do feel for both sides, but in the end, Shelly Baker has stolen these twins.

Shelly Baker, an experienced surrogate and mother of 4, became a surrogate for a couple who could not have children.  Using an egg donor and a sperm donor, Shelly got pregnant with twins and gave birth about 6 months ago.  After the couple had the babies for a month, they all went before a judge to finalize the adoption.  Since the surrogacy took place in Michigan, the state automatically places the birth mother (Baker) on the birth certificate, making her the guardian until an adoption takes place.  At the adoption hearing, Baker becomes aware of a mental illness the intended mother has had.  Although the intended mother had gone under a specific evaluation by a psychiatrist and was given approval to become a great mother, Baker felt these babies were now in danger.  Under the Michigan law, Shelly took the babies back and began raising them as her own.  For the past 6 months, the intended parents have been fighting to get their babies back.

This situation is so difficult and impossible to solve.  Many people argue that the twins are not biologically the intended parents and therefore should not automatically be granted custody, but I believe that is a very harsh argument.  This couple was unable to have their own children, and for 9 months they grew to believe that they were finally going to be parents.  These babies belonged to them.  Should we then believe that an adoptive parents child is not biologically theirs, therefore, we can take the child from them anytime we please?  Also, these babies are not biologically Shelly's whatsoever.  Why is she able to choose where these babies go?

The huge problem here, is where the surrogacy took place.  Every state has different laws regarding surrogacy.  Michigan has one of the strictest laws prohibiting surrogacy contracts, not only holding them unenforceable, but also imposing fines and jail time on anyone who enters into such a contract (up to five years and $50,000 for some).  It was the mistake of both parties to undergo surrogacy in this state.  The intended parents now have no rights to these babies, and Shelly Baker has all legal rights to them.  However, if this would have taken place in California, the intended parents would have been immediately placed on the birth certificate (no matter who was the biological parents) and would have been given full legal guardianship where Shelly Baker would never be able to take the children.

I do not agree with what this surrogate mother has done; she committed to carry these babies and give a couple a gift they could not receive on their own.  If we were to judge each and every mom out there based on their mental status, we would find many women who have had troubled pasts but were able to become perfect parents.  Shelly Baker is now raising these babies and they have become apart of their family.  Although the intended parents should never stop fighting for them, we now have to think of the children.  What is best for them?  They have now bonded with the Baker's and every day that goes by they are becoming more and more attached to them.  This situation is impossible to solve.  My advice to anyone out there considering surrogacy is to definitely research laws and regulations in your state.  It is best to work with an agency and get legal contracts.  Without that, you are risking the future of yourself and the surro babies.