Help Isn't Always Helpful...

Looking back on last year, I thought I had the most amazing surrogacy plan ahead of me.  I had perfect IP's (who are still the most incredible people I have ever met), a supportive family behind me, and what I thought was the world's greatest surrogacy agency leading me through one of the most foreign processes out there for people like me...

I can recall bragging about the passion I had for these women that created and maintained this agency (they're almost to that point where mentioning their name is very well deserved, but I'll spare them that for the time being).  They treated me with the highest respect and cared for me as if I were their top priority.  In the early stages of the process up until the middle of the pregnancy, they offered overwhelming support.  I got checked on daily, had a representative present for important doctor visits, and I was given absolutely everything I ever needed or wanted.  This was short lived.  Towards the end of my pregnancy, I felt alone.  Like many of you realize out there, I was crying out for help!!  What did I need help with when I had the world doing everything they could to assist me with child care, house keeping, meal preps, etc??  Well, obviously I was mentally breaking down.  Day by day, I was becoming more and more depressed.  I just wish my agency had maintained that role they had played in the beginning throughout the entire process.  Instead, phone calls, emails, and correspondence from me and my social worker were ignored or neglected.  If I had an agency that actually attempted to reach out to me in my time of need rather than me having to force help, I think I would have had a much better time dealing with all of those overwhelming emotions.

At this time of just starting to realize how much my agency was starting to suck, I thought maybe it was just me and these raging hormones that just started to hate everyone.  As much as I hate discussing the compensation side of surrogacy, I really need to state that I was taken advantage of.  Every month it got worse.  I'm not the type to complain until things get out of hand, so I let little things slide until I reached my breaking point.  My IP's thought the world of our agency.  They worked with a very BIG agency prior to working with ours, which most of you out there are with, and had a not-so-good experience with them.  So, they grew to love ours.  As time went on, I tried to warn them about all the things happening.  I'm so glad they got involved to help in every single matter, but soon they caught on.  It wasn't until recently where that moment of "Oh my God, these people have no business running a business" happened.  They had no need to, but they apologized over and over again for me having to deal with this ongoing stress with them.  In the end, not only was I taken advantage of, but we have proof that they were as well.  They feel absolutely betrayed and will NEVER recommend this agency to anyone. 

The point of having an agent in this whole surrogacy process is to help guide people through the process and make the entire thing much easier on everyone involved.  They're not there to cause more stress and frustration for anyone!!  Early on in my pregnancy, I told everyone how important it was to have an agency, but sometimes I think I would have been better off without one.  I think having a contract and a very good fertility attorney is key, but an agency really can cause more harm than good.  Now that my journey is at an end, I know exactly everything I would have done or said differently.  Although the surrogate part is over, me dealing with my agency is not.  I may have a long fight ahead of me, but I am not going to let them win!!  They may have not realized this in the beginning, but I am one smart girl.  I am very well educated and I let NOTHING get past me.  I know they hate how "surrogate smart" I am and probably wish I was one of their other surrogates who just "let things go".  But, I have news for them... I never give up on things and I am always right (just ask my husband!!).

So, my point on this post is not to bash my agency (which there is a lot more of that I REALLY would like to disclose), but it is just a warning to all of you surrogates out there.  I know sometimes you don't know the truth about people until it is too late, like in my situation, but never forget that you have a voice.  If you are ever second guessing things, then look into it until you are positive.  And just because you may be helplessly knocked up, you still have a voice.  Stand up for yourself no matter what the situation may be and let yourself be heard.  You all are not just an "oven"; you are a human being that should be treated with respect, especially when you are giving someone life!!

If you have any personal questions, I am free to email to chat!!

5 months already?!?

So, the girls are already 5 months old!!  The time has really gone by so fast.  So much faster now that I can breathe and am 3 babies lighter =)

I continue to hear from my IP's pretty often.  I get frequent emails with photos and even cute video clips of girls, girls, girls!!!  Their favorite things are bubbles, sucking their thumbs, and EATING!!  These girls are getting so chunky and gaining so much weight...

Lily is the biggest, 15 pounds, and is starting to sit up on her own!  Eve is 14.12 pounds and amazingly little May caught up to her identical sister and is now bigger... 14.7 pounds!!  I plan to visit this month, so I will have some pics with my girls to share soon.

Eve, Lily, May

Lily Pies!!

Eve and May (Wow, I hope I got that right. They are getting more "identical" every day!!)

So, I have exactly one more month of pumping.  If I make it to March 2nd, I will have made it to my goal... 6 months of pumping and giving the girls the BEST nutrients!!!  I think having this did them wonders and they are very healthy babies because of it.  They deserved every drop =)

It's been 3 weeks since my hard core training has begun and I have already lost 11 pounds!!!  Not only am I losing all of that stubborn baby weight, I am also the healthiest I have ever been.  I make absolutely every meal.  My new lifestyle has given me so much more energy and I LOVE the way it makes me feel.  I can definitely see the light at the end of tunnel, and for me that light is a bright yellow bikini!

I will have a couple more posts to write over the weekend about some surrogacy issues, but I wanted to update you on these amazing girls!

Kicking Butt!!

Well, the girls are doing just absolutely wonderful!!  I honestly can't believe how fast they are growing.  They are about 4 1/2 months old now and you could never guess they were preemies just by looking at them.  As of a few days ago Eve is 13 lbs 14 oz, May is 13 lbs 8 oz, and Lily is 14 lbs!!  They are doing so well.  And yes, they all are sleeping consistently through the night, 7pm-7am!!  Those are some lucky parents =)

 May, Lily, Eve (I think I got that right!!)

I haven't seen them in over a month.  I'm gonna have to make a trip though really soon so that I can get my baby fix.  Milk is still being delivered by my mom (I live a little far now for regular milk drop offs).  Sadly, I feel my pumping days are ending here sooner than later =(  I know... I did an awesome job and gave those girls an amazing thing, but at the same time, I am sad that my body just isn't producing like it used to.  Day by day, I am gradually pumping less.  My IP's completely understand and will take every last drop.  I am so happy that the girls will still be getting breast milk after I retire; I found them an amazing surrogate that just had twins who was looking to pump for someone.  She has started out great and producing soooo much milk!!  You know who you are... thank you and keep up the good work =)

Besides my body just naturally wanting to give up and be done with pumping, I have adjusted my eating habits tremendously and am on a strict diet created by my personal trainer.  I have never eaten so healthy in my life and it is making me feel GREAT!!  She put me on a specific diet exactly one week ago and gave me an exercise plan; in just 7 days I LOST 9 POUNDS!!!  Proud??  Very!!!  I can't believe how much can change just by switching your diet and sticking to it.  Everything I eat is fresh.  That makes for frequent shopping trips =)  Nothing is boxed, frozen, fried, or sweet.  It has been so difficult for me, but seeing those results are just amazing.

So, today was my first training session with my amazing trainer, Melissa.  After my health assessment, looks like I need to lose 19 more pounds to have an ideal body fat of 21%.  I'm already down to my pre-triplet pregnancy weight, but I am shooting for more!!  I am my trainer's special project... she has high hopes and doesn't doubt that I will reach my goal by June.  So, the first session began...

I think today was the hardest I ever pushed myself. Yes, I can do hours of cardio and be just fine.  But, this woman gave me the hardest strength training hour of my life!!  I didn't realize how weak my body really is.  She got down to those core muscles and really made them wake up.  I was pushed to my last efforts; as funny as it actually was, I blacked out after our last exercise.  Yes, totally blacked out, on the verge of fainting.  I got up from our floor exercise (probably a little too fast), attempted the cool down stretches, and my vision when completely black.  I got extremely pale, nauseous, and dizzy.  I finally snapped out of it about 10 minutes later.  Embarrassing??  To say the least!!  Wow, she really did her job and kicked my butt!  LOL!!  I am dreading our next session, but at the same time, I can't wait.

I am going to have an amazing transformation (I have to keep telling myself that).  She promises to get me in a yellow bikini (that's what she wants me to wear in my "after" picture) as long as I keep up the diet and exercise.  And when I do reach my goal, or as close as I can by summer, I will reveal those before and after pics!!

A Work in Progress...

Thanks for those who gave me tips or words of encouragement about this beauty of a body =)  There has been many ups and downs in the past few weeks when it came to me looking in the mirror at what once was carrying 3 babies at one time, and a total of 5 babies in 3 years!! Yes, I am crazy!

I recently got some helpful news, not really good or bad.  I have a condition called Diastasis Recti where abdominal separation took place during one of my pregnancies.  This explains the round mommy pooch that NEVER goes away after having my babies and why I still look 4 months pregnant at times, especially after heavy activity. 

To those plastic surgeons who tell people like myself that this problem will only be fixed with a tummy tuck, screw you!!!  I am going to prove you wrong.  Although this condition is extremely hard to fix without surgery, there is hope.  I am so fortunate enough to have a sister who worked for a personal trainer and private gym owner.  She has offered her help to me, free of charge, and really wants to see me succeed.  Her specialty... post natal!! She has classes specifically for this issue such as mine and has helped with shocking results.  I had a consultation on Monday about my diet.  I really needed help with a balance between my calorie intake and maintaining my milk production.  She gave me meal by meal instructions and I have already lost 3 pounds!!  I am eating soooo healthy and I really feel great!!  Don't get me wrong.  Those gourmet cupcakes I picked up for Jackson's preschool teacher really gave me the greatest temptation of all time, but I am doing it!!  Swimsuit season is just around the corner people!!

So, how will I fix this bulging thing??  Well, that takes specific exercises with a trainer.  Sometimes you may think doing a million crunches will help, but it may have a negative effect.  I am going to continue doing what she recommends, specific diet and exercise, and I am holding on to that hope that I will be able to fix this little bump in the road!! 

Wish me luck!!

Dear linea negra, baby pooch, and whatever else that is not going back...

It would seem that I have so much less on my mind now that the girls are born and I am not in surrogate mode anymore, but I think about my journey every single day and more and more thoughts pop into my head.  So, I want to keep sharing them with you all and hopefully I can be of some help to some of you.

The girls are 4 months old as of yesterday!!  Can you believe it??  Well, I sure can't.  Time is just going by all too quickly.  I love seeing them grow and hear about all of the little, but yet huge, things they are doing now.  For me, as the time goes by soooo quickly, I'm realizing that the journey I had carrying these 3 beautiful girls is getting further behind me.  As hard as that journey was, I wish that I could have it all back just for one day.  It was such an awesome experience and I am so lucky to have had this opportunity.

 Lily, May, and Eve

On a more frustrating note, the urge to throw something at my mirror increases each day that my body has yet to cooperate with me!!  Some of you remember one of my posts from when I was carrying triplets, Bye Bye Belly.  I remember being glued to my computer screen, looking at all of the post triplet belly pics every single day (if you are pregnant with multiples, I would highly NOT recommend this).  That scared me to death!!!  I couldn't believe how much extra skin women get and as much as they work out and lose weight it NEVER goes away without surgery.  But, I accepted the fact that you can't fight the inevitable and tried to not think about the outcome.  Much to my surprise, I turned out damn good!!!!  I can't tell you if it was the $50 cream I bought and religiously used or what, but I am so thankful I don't have any permanent damage.

I am still not 100% happy with my body.  Having had triplets or not, what woman really is??  But, for me, I just want to feel comfortable.  I want to look on the outside how I feel on the inside.  When I look at the mirror, I look at myself and I know that is not who I am.  It has become a struggle and now that this is a new year, I am ready to fix these problems...


The ever so lingering linea negra...
What the heck??  Can this dark line ever go away?  When I was pregnant, my preggo line down the middle of my belly was very faint and only appeared towards the end of my pregnancy.  But, after I had the girls and my tummy deflated, it seemed as though that line got darker and longer!!  I have seen it gradually decrease over the past couple months, but it is definitely still there.  I think if that were to find its way out of my life I would feel slightly better about myself.  I wouldn't feel as if I am in a permanent state of recovery and my body will forever appear "post baby".  Bathing suit season is soon approaching us... I hope Mr. Negra is aware of that.

No, I am NOT pregnant, fool!!!
I know most of you can relate to this.  Those weeks following delivery, you are constantly asked, "When are you due?"  It is especially difficult for surrogates because we do not have a baby present to kick some common sense into some people.  I remember I went out with my youngest son, who was just a couple weeks at that time.  Some dumb lady (who, by the way, was a mother herself) asked how far along I was?!?  Helllooooo!!!  How could I be pregnant when I literally just had a baby!!  Some people just don't have a filter, they just let their brains do the talking.  I didn't expect my belly to shrink the day or even couple months following the delivery of the triplets.  I knew my body had expanded to the max and it was literally impossible to have a flat tummy shortly after I had the girls.  So, when people asked if I was pregnant and so on, I let them know VERY proudly that I just had triplets.  I got some, "Oh, I'm sorry.  You look great for just having triplets!!"  And I did think I looked great for just having 3 babies.  But, now that it has been 4 months I'm wondering when this is all going to stop??!!

I can see that my little baby pooch is slowly shrinking.  And I mean SLOWLY!!!  After I had Max, my second son, I went to see a plastic surgeon (just being curious) about my pooch because it really wasn't doing what it was supposed to be doing by my standards.  I was informed that I had abnormally big, strong stomach muscles that had the ability to stretch more than the average woman (one of the reasons why I had such a successful triplet pregnancy).  Because the muscles had the ability to strengthen so much while being pregnant, shrinking after pregnancy was going to take some time.  I remember when my youngest son turned 1 year old is when I actually began to feel satisfied and my belly actually was flat again.  A year?!????!!  Well, I guess that is better than nothing.

I don't get asked much anymore if I am pregnant or when I am due or anything.  But, I do run into some idiot every now and then.  I can't use the "I just had triplets" thing anymore, so I just tell them no and make them feel stupid.  Sometimes I wonder how many people they ask that and are wrong.  To me, I don't look entirely pregnant, more just really bloated.  One of the biggest rules to all of you out there... don't ask a woman if she is pregnant unless you are 100% positive!!!!

Dieting, impossible!!
I am just dying to diet!!  But, the moment that I try to limit my intake, my breast milk disappears.  It is the hardest thing to find that balance.  The fact is, the more you eat, the more milk you get.  So, something had to give.  In order for me to reach my 6 month goal, or even longer, I have to keep up my calorie intake.  If I wasn't pumping, things would be much different.  But, the girls need me =)

Back to the gym...
Now that recovering is far behind me and I have settled down in my new city lifestyle, I hit the gym!!  I really was surprised about how much energy I had.  I thought I was going to be an absolute mess my first couple weeks, but I think I did pretty good!!  Yesterday, I ran 10 minutes straight on the treadmill!!  That may not be a lot to some of you, but that is just incredible to me.  I really want to keep it up and lose those extra pounds that I gained during all of those hormone injection days (I think I gained 15 pounds before I actually got pregnant).  And, I have to say, going to the gym makes me feel so great about myself.  As much as I have to drag myself there, I am completely satisfied when I walk out!!!  The hardest part is motivating yourself, but you can do it!!!


So, now that the girls are 4 months old, I have 2 months before I wish to see that dramatic change in my appearance.  I have to keep focused and reach for that goal.  On March 2nd, when the girls turn 6 months old, I promise to post pics of the body, changed or not.  Hopefully everyone will all be pleasantly surprised!!  Bikini here I come (ok, I may have to settle for a tankini!!).



  

My Family!!!

Again, nothing to do with surrogacy, but I just really LOVE my little family =)  After the holidays, it really makes me know how blessed I really am.  We had a very interesting year to say the least.  I am just wondering what 2011 will bring us.  Maybe we will have a very relaxing one, but who knows?!?  We could be preparing for baby #3 or surrogate baby #4!!!  We will just have to see. 

I do have a couple HUGE projects up my sleeve that I can't wait to share with all of you... and yes, it has everything to do with surrogacy!!

Oh, and our Santa pics just keep getting more interesting every year!!

Max almost had a stroke when he saw Santa... this is the best we could do.

He had no idea Santa was behind him!!

 

And my BIG surprise was VERY big!!!  My husband gave me a brand new car!!

Wow!!!  This was one awesome gift =)

A Very Merry Visit!

If you live in Southern California you know how bad this weather has been this past week.  No, we aren't knee deep in snow or experiencing tornados or anything like that, but for us year round sunbathers, this rain is out of control!!! 

No matter the weather, it didn't stop me from visiting the girls so I could give them their Christmas gifts that I have been working on for forever!!

They have grown so much and continue to surprise me.  It had been a month since my last visit and they were completely different babies to me.  They are eating twice as much, growing out of newborn clothing, in size 2 diapers, making eye contact, pushing their heads up off of the floor, cooing, and lots of smiling!!  They are very healthy and happy girls =)

Lily, Eve, May

 

Wearing the outfits I got for them

 

My momma had these bows made for them... And I am loving Eve's grin here

 May was just so happy!!

 

Tummy time... LOVE baby booties!!

 Lily fell asleep in my arms ♥

 

So, I have been working on these photo books for the girls even before they were born.  There are over 40 pages detailing the pregnancy, delivery, and couple months after their birth.  I have so many photos of my growing belly and lots of memories of the pregnancy (all positive ones!!).  Of course I made one for each of them... and one for myself!!

The girls' parents were overwhelmed with joy when they received this gift.  Lots of tears of joy!!  It is something that we can all cherish forever.  I know I am going to be apart of their lives for a very long time, but it is just amazing for them to always have something to remember me by.  Merry Christmas, girls!!

Well, it is almost Christmas and my boys couldn't be more excited.  Holidays are really starting to get fun with them... they are impatiently anticipating Santa's arrival and they were so interested in our rituals as we celebrated Hanukkah.  Yes, we celebrate Christmakkah!!  We have yet to go visit Santa.  I'm not sure why parents subject their children to this torture.  Last years visit was hysterical...

 I'm thinking this year they will be better... can't get much worse than this!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday.  I hear I am getting something pretty BIG, so I can't wait to see what my husband has done this time... he's the best =)  

Merry Christmas!!