Happy Holidays!!

Wishing everyone a Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!!

I am so grateful for all of the love and support in my life and could not be more proud of where I am today.  2011 was a fabulous year and I am soooo excited for 2012...

let the baby making begin!!!  

Thoughts and Changes!!

Well, yes, my blog looks VERY different!!  I added a little bit to my title so that people are aware that life does go on after surrogacy and the journey just doesn't end after poppin' out someone else's baby/babies!!  A lot of fellow surrogacy blogs just come to an abrupt end after delivering their surro baby and it leaves people like me wondering so much; how are the emotions post surrogacy journey?  How is the relationship with the IP's now that they finally have a family?  What are the thoughts that continuously go through the mind of a surrogate weeks, months, even years after the journey is over?

Well, it has been well over a year since giving birth to Eve, May, and Lily and not a day goes by where I don't think of them.  It isn't a feeling of missing them or feeling sad from "giving them up", it is more of a constant overwhelming emotion that I actually changed so many lives in so many ways.  I look at the pictures I have of them framed in my home (yes, I consider them an extended part of my family, so they have designated picture spots in my house) and I can't help but smile every time I see their faces.  Wow!!!  I did that?!?  It is still unbelievable to me in so many ways.  I can't say this enough, but being a surrogate is a feeling that is so indescribable, only those who have been through it really know what it feels like to give life to someone other then your own child.

I am not sure if my followers are still out there checkin' up on me, but I am here!!  I am still in the process of trying for that 3rd baby that I am dying to have!!  Things aren't perfectly easy with that, but the hubby and I have decided to calm the trying part down a bit, enjoy the holidays, and then after the first of the year we will really get things in gear and hopefully have a bun in my oven soon after that.  It seems as though I have been on this emotional roller coaster with conceiving my own after the triplets.  After the girls were born, I felt this need to just get pregnant right away; kind of like I needed to fill that void.  I don't know... it wasn't like I missed not having the baby part after birth, but more I missed the pregnancy part.  It was like, one minute I was pregnant with 3, experiencing a world of amazing emotions, and the next minute it all was gone.  It is beyond the most complicated situation, yet so incredible all at the same time.  Again, surrogate emotions here =).  It took me months of going through ups and downs, whether or not I should act on my emotions and get pregnant with my own child or another surro baby.  I decided I needed to find myself; get back to being ME.  I am so happy with that decision because I owed it to the ones I was forced to neglect during my surrogacy pregnancy.  I can happily say that today I absolutely LOVE my life!!!  There is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful for all the great things happening every day.  I love my boys tremendously and appreciate the fact that I get to stay home every day and watch every little milestone with them.  It is awesome!!  I am finally at a place where I know having another child will just complete our family.  I can't wish for anything more right now, but if things continue to not go as planned I am okay with that.  I think in the past month I realized how grateful I am to have 2 beautiful boys and the best husband in the world.  It will crush me not being able to be a mommy again, but I know I am at a state of mind where I know it will be okay and I will be able to move on and be the best mom to Jack and Max.

So, my journey continues after the life of being a surrogate.  I always have so many thoughts and emotions going through my mind about what I did for this family.  I continue to have a very close relationship with the girls and my IP's and I am so lucky for that.  I am not sure what will grow through this blog (my own baby, another surrogacy journey, who knows!!), but hopefully I will make great changes!!

Growing Your Family After Surrogacy...

Okay, so this topic has really caught my attention lately and I have gotten so many different opinions and facts about the whole thing...

How does being a surrogate effect your chances of having more children of your own after your surrogacy journey?

Now that I have had over a year of recovering and I am FINALLY "normal", I am excited to say that we are ready to work on our 3rd and, most likely, last baby!!!  However, things aren't going as smoothly as I assumed they would go.  Without going into detail, I am not crazy Ms Fertile Myrtle anymore =(.  I am not yet in panic mode because I know I need to give it some more time even though I have NEVER had to give it time in the past.  Shoot, I got pregnant with my first while taking the pill religiously, my second happened on our first time trying for him, AND I got preggo as a surrogate with 3 babies!!  Hmmmm, maybe I do have a problem, maybe not? 

I have posted this issue on support sites and have also read up on other people's past problems with this and I have gotten so many different answers.  Some women say that their agency HIGHLY recommends a surrogate be 100% finished having their own kids before becoming a surrogate because of the risks.  My agency never warned me about anything like this possibly happening! Some women say that the fertility drugs you take to get pregnant can effect your own fertility later on. Some women have met past surrogates who ended up needing their own surrogate after their journey because they then experienced their own infertility.  Then there are women who claim that the chances of something going wrong and effecting your chances of having another baby after a surrogacy journey is so small and should not be stressed about.  This has all got me so confused!!

I am not jumping to any conclusion and claiming that I have a fertility issue as of now.  But, I can honestly say that something has changed.  My body hasn't felt the same since being a surrogate.  But I believe that this has more to do with the fact that I had triplets more then because I was a surrogate.  But after reading so many different comments and concerns, I just can't help but worry just a bit.  I couldn't imagine if there was a problem; that would just break my husband's heart and he did nothing to deserve this.  I am going to think VERY positive in the next few months and just have fun trying!!  I will be sooooo blessed when/if the time comes where I can announce that there is MY bun in MY oven!!  I really believe that I deserve this.  Wish me luck!!

Remembering the Loss of Babies...

I am so proud of my sister and her accomplishments.  She co-founded Walk to Remember  years after she experienced a horrible loss of her baby during pregnancy.  This organization has helped so many families and the support they give is just amazing!!  Last weekend, they had their 2nd annual Walk to Remember event and I was blown away with it all.  I was so honored to be able to be the photographer/videographer for the event and finally finished a video that is just so touching.  If you have about 15 minutes to spare, take a look at the event.... and you gotta watch the entire thing =)

**Make sure your volume is on and press HD to get the best quality**
Make take about 15 seconds to load!!

Happy Birthday, Max!!

My little Max is 3 years old (yesterday, so I'm a day late)!!  I really cannot believe how fast the last 3 years have gone and it is very sad to think that I no longer have a baby or a toddler in the house =(.  No more diapers, bottles, pacifiers, baby gates, or sleepless nights; just 2 big boys who have become so independent.  Seeing my youngest turn another year older really makes that urge to have another baby so much stronger!!  I know I can't wait for our tentative conception date (which is 7 loooonnnnggg months away), but it will be here before we know it and hopefully around January 2013 I will have my last little bundle of joy and my family will be complete.

Maxwell, happy birthday my little monkey.  Having you was one of the best yet craziest decisions me and your daddy have made; having 2 boys just 14 months apart has been quite the challenge but so amazing!!  Your laughter and sense of humor always makes me smile.  You have the most kissable cheeks, and although you are just like your mommy and aren't the overly affectionate type, everyone enjoys stealing hugs and kisses from you whenever they get the chance.  Even though you follow in your brothers shadows the majority of the time, you really are one-of-a-kind and have changed our lives so much!!  Love you, Max!!

 Wow!!  Me, 9 months preggo, getting ready for delivery.

LOVE  scheduled c-section!!

Meeting Maxwell Grant for the first time.

Jackson meeting his little "Brober"!

LOVE this picture!!

He was just the chunkiest, cutest thing!!

My BIG boys today

I'm 3!!

Love his smile =)

Mommy and daddy love him soooo much!!

  

1st Birthday Party!

The girls' birthday party this past Saturday was a blast!!  I was so happy to see all 3 of them and my IP's.  I think it has been over 3 months since I saw them all last so the girls definitely grew!!!  They are BIG healthy one year olds... I guess at their last high risk appointment their doctor told them that by their health, you would never know they were triplets delivered at 32 weeks.  They are much bigger then your average healthy singleton one year old and that is soooo awesome!!!  The girls are definitely ready to walk and I bet their parents will be chasing them around very soon.  It is so weird how their personalities haven't changed since birth; Eve is so serious and stares at you with these amazing huge eyes.  May is the fighter and just wants to explore and be put down.  Lily is just so content and takes in everything around her.  Although they are so much alike, they have so much different personalities.

With my family (husband, 2 boys, mom, and sister) in tow, we all headed to the birthday party.  Besides the girls and my IP's, there were some familiar faces.  One of my biggest supports through my pregnancy, my head nurse/coordinator, was there!!!  I hadn't seen her since my postpartum visit.  Without her, I don't think I could have survived and it was so awesome to talk with her again.  The girls' NICU nurse was also there with her family.  Even a baby that was neighbors to the girls in the NICU joined us with her mommy!! Oh, and I finally got to meet fellow bloggers and expected daddies of triplets, Our Journey to Fatherhood!!  It was soooo much fun!!

Anyway, I bet you really want to see some pics, so here they are:

Me and Eve, who had no problem jumping right into my arms

Lily

May

My oldest, Jackson

My youngest, Max

Eve

My sister with Lily and me with Eve

The boys watching Lily walk

Lily loved my mom

And she loved blowing kisses!!

She gave me lots of kisses!!

Lily

Max guarding the presents

Music time! Lily

Eve

May

My kids LOVE cake!!

Yummy!!

Pool was a little too tempting =)

Wow!!  I just can't believe it has been over a year.  The girls are growing up so fast and I can't wait to watch every year that passes.  My IP said a very warming thing at the party when he introduced me to one of their friends, "This is our surrogate."  I replied, "Well I WAS your surrogate."  They then replied, "To us, you will always be our surrogate."  That just meant a lot to me because even after all this time, I still mean a lot to them.  I didn't know if time was going to naturally drift us apart, but I am happy to say that it has only had the opposite effect.  I am very lucky =)

It was honor to attend this big day.  Every day that passes makes me feel more and more proud of the thing I did for this family.  I cannot imagine life without my surrogacy journey.  It really is an overwhelmingly, awesome feeling!!!

Happy Birthday, Eve, May, and Lily!!

I dug up some pics of the girls shortly after birth, and a year has definitely made some changes:

Eve (Baby A- Identical to May)

Eve, 1 year old!

May (Baby B- the smallest, identical to Eve)

May, 1 year old!

Lily (Baby C- first to go home)

Lily, 1 year old

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Eve, May, and Lily!!!!!

My surro triplets are ONE year old today!!

Wow!!!  Can you all believe it has been a year???  I sure can't.  It seems like just a few months ago I was miserably preggo with triplets in the dead heat of summer.  I remember their birth day like it was yesterday... what an indescribably amazing moment. I never knew how I would feel towards these girls a year from delivery before I had them.  Would I miss them?  Would I worry about them?  Would I want to leave them alone to live their own lives?  This was all a new experience for me so I was just hoping for the best, emotionally.  But, I've gotta tell you that how I felt about them the moment they were born hasn't changed a bit and I can't be more thankful for them in my life.  I am so proud to have been given the opportunity to be their surrogate mother.  I am so proud of myself for getting through one of the toughest challenges of my life.  I am so proud to have had the honor of making my IP's parents.  I wouldn't change a thing.

Just a little while ago I received a delivery.  My IP's and the girls sent me flowers, thanking me for giving them the most amazing gift one year ago.  I could not believe this!!  It honestly brought tears to my eyes knowing how much they think about me and continue to appreciate what I did for them.  Every time we see each other, talk, or they send me pictures, I am constantly reminded of how fortunate I am to be apart of their lives.  It is a relationship that has worked out perfectly for all of us and that I will never take for granted.  I have so much to be thankful for.

Thanks so much, A and M!!!!

This was the last belly pic

9/02/10 About to deliver!!

A year later...

VERY happy =)

 

 

I can't wait to see the girls at their birthday party in a couple weeks.  My boys have never met the triplets and only have seen them through the pics I have framed in our house.  They have gotten their names down, so I am looking forward to them all seeing each other face to face.  I will definitely have lots of pics to share with all of you.  It will be lots of fun!!