Thursday, December 22, 2011

Happy Holidays!!

Wishing everyone a Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!!

I am so grateful for all of the love and support in my life and could not be more proud of where I am today.  2011 was a fabulous year and I am soooo excited for 2012...
let the baby making begin!!!  

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Thoughts and Changes!!

Well, yes, my blog looks VERY different!!  I added a little bit to my title so that people are aware that life does go on after surrogacy and the journey just doesn't end after poppin' out someone else's baby/babies!!  A lot of fellow surrogacy blogs just come to an abrupt end after delivering their surro baby and it leaves people like me wondering so much; how are the emotions post surrogacy journey?  How is the relationship with the IP's now that they finally have a family?  What are the thoughts that continuously go through the mind of a surrogate weeks, months, even years after the journey is over?

Well, it has been well over a year since giving birth to Eve, May, and Lily and not a day goes by where I don't think of them.  It isn't a feeling of missing them or feeling sad from "giving them up", it is more of a constant overwhelming emotion that I actually changed so many lives in so many ways.  I look at the pictures I have of them framed in my home (yes, I consider them an extended part of my family, so they have designated picture spots in my house) and I can't help but smile every time I see their faces.  Wow!!!  I did that?!?  It is still unbelievable to me in so many ways.  I can't say this enough, but being a surrogate is a feeling that is so indescribable, only those who have been through it really know what it feels like to give life to someone other then your own child.

I am not sure if my followers are still out there checkin' up on me, but I am here!!  I am still in the process of trying for that 3rd baby that I am dying to have!!  Things aren't perfectly easy with that, but the hubby and I have decided to calm the trying part down a bit, enjoy the holidays, and then after the first of the year we will really get things in gear and hopefully have a bun in my oven soon after that.  It seems as though I have been on this emotional roller coaster with conceiving my own after the triplets.  After the girls were born, I felt this need to just get pregnant right away; kind of like I needed to fill that void.  I don't know... it wasn't like I missed not having the baby part after birth, but more I missed the pregnancy part.  It was like, one minute I was pregnant with 3, experiencing a world of amazing emotions, and the next minute it all was gone.  It is beyond the most complicated situation, yet so incredible all at the same time.  Again, surrogate emotions here =).  It took me months of going through ups and downs, whether or not I should act on my emotions and get pregnant with my own child or another surro baby.  I decided I needed to find myself; get back to being ME.  I am so happy with that decision because I owed it to the ones I was forced to neglect during my surrogacy pregnancy.  I can happily say that today I absolutely LOVE my life!!!  There is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful for all the great things happening every day.  I love my boys tremendously and appreciate the fact that I get to stay home every day and watch every little milestone with them.  It is awesome!!  I am finally at a place where I know having another child will just complete our family.  I can't wish for anything more right now, but if things continue to not go as planned I am okay with that.  I think in the past month I realized how grateful I am to have 2 beautiful boys and the best husband in the world.  It will crush me not being able to be a mommy again, but I know I am at a state of mind where I know it will be okay and I will be able to move on and be the best mom to Jack and Max.

So, my journey continues after the life of being a surrogate.  I always have so many thoughts and emotions going through my mind about what I did for this family.  I continue to have a very close relationship with the girls and my IP's and I am so lucky for that.  I am not sure what will grow through this blog (my own baby, another surrogacy journey, who knows!!), but hopefully I will make great changes!!