Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Letting Go...

One of the hardest things about being a surrogate is letting go.  Every surrogacy journey is completely different in their own little ways, but no matter what, we all have to let go at one point.  Whether a surrogate has no opportunity to be introduced to the life she created and held inside her for 9 long months, or a surrogate continues to hold onto a lasting relationship for years to come after the delivery, there comes a point where we have to accept the fact that our surrogacy journey is over.

I have been completely blessed for the past 22 months.  I had the opportunity to visit with my surro triplets and IP's as often as it seemed convenient for all of us and the fact that they lived just under 2 short hours from me was definitely a huge bonus.  There wasn't a month that went by where we didn't hear from each other and I absolutely adored the fact that I would get occasional photo and video updates from all of the amazing changes these beautiful girls have gone through in just under 2 years.  I can't believe how big they are now and how incredibly adorable they each are in their own individual ways.

Life can get hectic at points, and with heavy obstacles thrown your way, time slips by you too fast.  It has been almost 10 months since I have seen the girls last and now at this point in my life I am very disappointed that I didn't take more advantage of the fact that visiting them more often was not only doable, but very much welcomed.  I recently was informed that my surrogate family will soon be moving across the country =(.  At first when hearing this news, I was overwhelmed with confused emotions. For the last couple years, I knew that their stay down here in Southern California was a temporary one, and the original plan wasn't for them to stay so long.  But, as time went on, the stay got extended.  I was one lucky surrogate... not only did my IP's continue to welcome me into their lives, but I also got to visit as much or as little as I liked.  Now that they will be moving, that all will change.

Although I really feel that virtual contact with my IP's and the triplets will be maintained for the years to come, I know I need to let go.  I need to do what every surrogate has the responsibility of doing, and that is to let the family go live their life without having this guilt of responsibility to me, their surrogate.  I never did go through those rough days or weeks that many of us surrogates are forced to endure as their IP's escape across the world and never hearing from them again, so I could never relate to that side of surrogacy before.  But, after 22 months of living in this blessed post-surrogacy life, I have to say good-bye. Good-bye doesn't have to mean forever, and I really hope with all of my heart that I will still have the opportunity to see these girls as they grow into beautiful little ladies, but I have to come to terms that none of that is guaranteed.    

Before their BIG move, I get to say "good-bye" to the family that came here as 2 and are leaving as 5 thanks to my miraculous uterus!! I can't wait for Sunday.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Better Days

It has been over a week since we got the bad news and I am happy to report that each day gets better and better.  I do have moments when I find myself completely alone, no one around to talk to and nothing much to do, where all I can do is wish that I was still pregnant.  But, I know I just need to move on because nothing will change by just dwelling about it day after day.  I know deep down I will always hurt from this moment, but what kind of person would I be if I didn't?

I have fully recovered physically and I am back on that trying to conceive train.  Woot Woot!!  Or is that "toot toot"?  Who knows?!  So let's just all hope that it doesn't take another 8 months for my miracle baby to come.  I really hope I am one of those lucky ones that just gets pregnant again right away! Fingers crossed!!!

I have been staying very busy lately with my new business adventure (and sometimes it makes that baby itch of mine become a full on rash!!).  A photography business has always been a dream of mine and I FINALLY made it a reality!!  Yay!! I have so much to improve on, but here is my website and FB page if you would like to check it out.  My 5 year goal is to do weddings full time, with my hubby by my side who also shares this passion- (heck, then I don't have to pay an assistant!). I'm excited to think of all the possibilities.  Wish me luck!!

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