Friday, November 5, 2010


It has been just over 2 months since I had Eve, May, and Lily.  They are doing sooo well and I have every right to brag about how well I bake buns!!  Not only have I had 2 ginormous baby boys, whose health and weight have never been an issue, but I have also carried triplets who came out as healthy as can be with no health concerns in the slightest.  I remember at one of my doctors appointments several months ago, the doctor and nurses tried to convince me of how perfect my uterus was and how I was made to do this, made to carry lots of babies!!!  If there is such a thing as a "perfect uterus" I guess that they are right.  And yes, I may be made to do "this", but I do have my limits...

So, as time has gone on, the question gets more and more frequent: Will you do this again??

As I think about my answer every time I am asked, it becomes more and more likely that I plan to do surrogacy again.  Yes, some of you may think I am nuts, especially my family members, but no one knows the feeling you get after you have given someone the greatest thing in life... a child, and in my case, 3 beautiful ones!!  There are not enough words to explain how rewarding this experience was, how fulfilling it made me feel, or how my entire outlook on life has changed.  It has made me a better mother and taught me to love and cherish every moment I have with my family, big or small.  Many of you may think you already experience these feelings and appreciation for life, but I also thought my life was near perfect before I became a surrogate.  I guess only the other surrogates out there really know what I am trying to explain.  But, take my word for it, I am anything BUT nuts for wanting to do this again.

So, do I really think surrogacy is addictive?

Well, in a way, yes!!  When I set out on my journey I told myself and everyone around me that I was only going to do this once.  It was something I have always wanted to do, but I couldn't imagine myself going through this tough process more than one time.  When I heard about other women having babies for two, three, and even four families, I thought they were absolutely CRAZY!!!  Why in the world would they want to put themselves through that, that many times?!?  And then the injections came, which was a pain in my a**... literally!!  After that, the nausea... blah!!!  And then followed the "WTF, I am having triplets!!"  Months following, I was in the most unbearable position of my life, with the list of discomforts that I will spare you this time around!!  And finally, a delivery where my life was at stake and I scared everyone by the amount of blood that I lost.  And now, I want to do this again?!?

These emotions, or need I guess you can call it, completely change the moment a surrogacy comes to an end and the baby/babies are born.  Throughout this journey of mine, I have met some amazing women who have been, or are currently, a surrogate.  I was so lucky to have come across Kelly's blog one day, I'm not the Mom, I'm just the Stork!, and read about her past and current journey.  Ironically, I remembered the pictures of her first IP's when I was at the fertility clinic when they were there visiting the doctor with their twins that Kelly delivered almost 2 years ago.  From then, Kelly has virtually become a huge support system for me as well as the other surrogates she introduced me to.  So, just need to give her a quick "Thank you!!"  Anyway, through this little virtual group we have as well as other blogs that I have read up on, I notice a consistency with many surrogates.  Without disclosing any names, here is what some women felt after their journey was over:

"In the past I've compared it to planning a wedding . . . how you spend almost a year planning for your wedding, this one day and in a matter of hours it's over. Yes, you're happy but later you're left with a 'now what do I do' since you spent so much time on the planning . . it's like you feel empty in a way."

"It's like the anticipation that builds up for Christmas morning - shopping, planning, hours of wrapping, and in 15 minutes, it's all over."

"They were so thankful, but it is definitely like closing a chapter on your life."

"I hate to say it's 'addictive' because that's not it, but there's all the attention, you're doing such a wonderful thing, you're pregnant, you're special and then it's just over. BAM! All those great feelings you had are gone, mixed with all the hormones, well it's just such a huge loss right after."

"I feel as if something was taken from me in a blink of an eye; not specifically the babies, but I think I am missing all of that hard work I did. I put in the hardest year of my life and dedicated a ton of energy and sacrifice, and all of a sudden, it's gone!!"

I really feel that although I had a rough journey, it was all over too soon.  Yes, a pregnancy is less than a year, but I feel as though in that year I met some amazing people and formed incredible relationships.  It all happened so fast and even though I prayed everyday for those last few months to fly by, I would love nothing more than to do it all again.  Just to experience all of the emotions from myself and the IP's again would be beyond wonderful!!

So, I really can't say whether I am going to do this again or not.  But I do feel like a newly recovering alcoholic right now; I just finished my rocky journey and now I am just itching to say "yes" and make that first move.  But, I have to do what is best for me and my family right now.  I need to be that loving wife to my husband, comforting mommy to my boys, and lively daughter to my mother.  And my womb may not be available for the next few years anyway (my husband is already starting to ask for another one!!).  But, as of today, my hope is that I will be able to be a surrogate one last time in the next 5 years.  Who knows... maybe 3 isn't enough and my IP's want to go another round!!

Updates and pictures of the girls next time, I promise!!  But, here is a pic of me and my boys on Halloween...

Max was Buzz and Jackson was Woody!


  1. My plans didn't turn out quite how I was thinking they would go, but now you know why I wanted to pursue another surrogacy after having the first two. My journey's were perfect (for me) and I couldn't imagine 'cheating on them' with another family. Years later I knew I wanted to do it 'one more time'. As it was I got pregnant with my own, but I still have that ache to bless another family. Maybe when I am done with this pregnancy I'll go for it again. One of my surro's just turned 7 and the other one turns 9 tomorrow. Surrogacy is a beautiful thing and until you have been down the ENTIRE road it is hard to picture what the end of that journey looks like. Now you have a taste of it. Congrats on being a wonderful surrogate!!

  2. Thanks for the shout out! :) What a sweetie you are!

    You are right- only surrogates will know exactly what you're talking about. I find that some friends/family get it a little but most only see the negatives you encountered, especially if it was health related or required lots of their own assistance . . . they wonder why you would put yourself in that situation again. But as we all know, surrogacy rocks and all pregnancies are not the same, so who really knows what next time will bring.

    My family thinks I'm crazy right now because after being on bed rest (which drove me crazy) and being 36 I am not shouting "NO" about a third journey . . . instead I'm thinking, "How can I work this out before my uterus falls out" LOL

  3. Oh how I understand you completely! I gave birth to my surrobaby 6 months ago! I will not be doing a second journey.. but man oh man did I shed some tears when I made that decision! I loved every moment of it! You are amazing, congratulations on baking such healthy babies! xo Might I add. you look incredible!!!!!

  4. I love the blog, and love hearing about your experience! Don't feel bad about writing about yourself and your family too. I love hearing about it all!!

  5. I'm secretly hoping hubby will let me do another two surrogacies after this one. 3 of my own (pregnancies), and 3 for others. He is wanting his plickety-plack wife back though, so we will take it one at a time. :-) And he does only see my discomfort (not that I'm much of a complainer) and doesn't understand why I would want to do it again.

    If you do it again, the odds are WAY against you having triplets a second time. And twins would probably be a piece of cake by comparison!

  6. I'm just STARTING my first surro journey and already thinking about how I can do another! and maybe another?? I love this. I love the feeling. I love the support. I love the nightly addiction of logging online to see what other surro moms are up to. I love everything about it. I guess you can say i'm addicted already and I have just begun my journey!
    BTW, you look AMAZING for just giving birth to triplets 2 months ago. Your boys are the cutest, too!