Wednesday, July 20, 2011

F You, Infertility!!

The title speaks for itself.  Yes, if infertility was a person, I would kick their ass!!!  For some reason or another, we are not all created equally and some of us are robbed of many pleasures in life.  One of those robbed pleasures that I have gotten myself so damn invested in ever since being a surrogate is people's struggles with infertility.

I can't help but invest so much of my time taking part in online support groups and communities that not only discuss surrogacy in detail but also infertility struggles at it's worst.  I feel for these couples and even though I may never meet them I really feel horrible with some of the pain they endure.  I just can't walk away from it all because I know the problem is, and will always be, there. 

My friend had very bad news today.  After years of struggling to get pregnant, she was informed that her transfer had failed =(  I won't go into detail about her story in respect to her and her husband, but I can just tell you that it has been very rough for them.  I hate the fact that 2 young and healthy people cannot become parents naturally like we were meant to do.  They struggle and will continue to until the day where they will become parents.  It is so hard to find the right words to express to my friend and other women who are in her situation.  I can't help but feel some sort of guilt; my biggest worry about pregnancy is taking my pill at the exact moment my phone alarm goes off because if I am even 10 minutes late, I will most likely end up pregnant!  While some women are going to the bathroom every month praying for their period not to be there and tearing up when they get it, I am in the bathroom feeling a huge sense of relief when Aunt Flo stops in for a visit on time.  I am currently reading a book, "How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby", while most women who are struggling could care less about the sex... just as long as it is healthy.  I know none of this is my fault, but I just feel horrible...

It really gets me thinking.  Is it selfish of me to have more children of my own?  I do have 2 amazing boys, and just started planning on when our 3rd should come.  But as we are hoping for just one more, there are people out there just hoping for one.  I know, I know... me not having another baby isn't going to help another woman have a child, but this is just the guilt I feel.  It also gets me thinking that maybe I should think about being a surrogate again sooner then I was originally thinking.  I think I am okay with the fact that I may only be allowed 2 more pregnancies at most because I am happy with the children I have now and giving a couple a child would be worth so much.

I really don't know where this is going, but I just want to let all those struggling couples out there know that I understand and I just wish I could go door to door recruiting surrogates (that's not such a bad idea!!).  In the meantime, I will try to convince women not to give up and no matter how they get to parenthood, they'll get there and it will all be worth it.

I love you, T!!!  Keep up that amazing strength of yours.


  1. What a great post. I feel the same way...I see so many of my friends struggling and I'd do ANYTHING to help them hold that one precious baby. We do what we can with what we have. You did an amazing thing!!

  2. This is a great post. I think a lot of us surros feel the exact same way, I know I do.

  3. Krystal is right...we are all there with you girl!! I hate it, I feel guilt about it and I wish I could help more than I's totally not fair and makes me sad. I've cried for others many times over. You are such an amazing person!