Thursday, August 11, 2011

Children of Surrogacy

I found a very interesting discussion on a surrogate group I am apart of on BabyCenter.  Someone had come across a short blog, The Son of a Surrogate, from years ago which can be found here.  The first time I read this, I had so many mixed emotions; I was mad that someone would judge any surrogate/egg donor in this way, I was sad that he had developed these feelings as a result of something I am largely apart of, I was annoyed with the way his mother (aka adoptive mother) handled the situation, and I was just confused and really didn't know what was the right thing to think about all of this.

After thinking about it for awhile it finally occurred to me that there may be many children out there who are experiencing these emotions as a result of surrogacy.  Although some of us can argue that these feelings may or may not be valid, the truth of the matter is that everyone is entitled to have feelings/mixed emotions especially as a result of something so life changing.  Then it got me thinking about how some IP's decide to cut off communication with a surrogate shortly after the birth.  Maybe that is their way of avoiding any sort of emotional roller coaster for the child as they grow up?  Maybe they do have a very valid reason when they do this.  I am not saying I enjoy seeing my fellow surrogates experience this sudden ongoing pain, but I can kind of understand the IP's motives.

As surrogacy gets more and more popular and widely used, we don't quite know how this may effect children growing up.  I do believe it is best to be upfront and honest with children in the beginning about who and where they came from, but sometimes this doesn't happen.  I absolutely don't disagree with the work I did as a surrogate or what any surrogate is doing, but I really believe there will be some children that grow up and will not be accepting of the situation.  It can be so similar to the feelings that an adoptive child might experience; although they had an amazing childhood growing up all thanks to their adoptive parents, there are still many that experience a difficult time with the fact that they came from somewhere else.

There are many different situations that happen with surrogacy; traditional surrogacy (surrogates egg, IF's/donors sperm), surrogacy using IF's sperm with egg from ED, surrogacy using an egg and sperm donor, set of 2 IF's using an egg donor with one/both sperms, etc.  So some situations can be harder for children to accept over time.  I guess I just really hope that IP's do the best job they can on raising these surro babies with as much knowledge and understanding of how they came into this world.  I think ignoring the issue and trying to hide it may only cause more damage as the truth finally comes out one day.  Hmmm, what do you guys think about all of this??


  1. I'm all for the saying "Honesty is the best policy." I really is unfortunate that this kid has been hurt so deeply by his parents not believing the same...

  2. I've thought about this for a long time too. I can imagine that some kids will have difficulty with it and I believe that being honest and upfront from the beginning is the best policy but know that not all kids will ever understand. Charity

  3. Most people do not grapple with problems. They hit their beliefs intuitively with the occasional random spasm of logic. you'll tell them what they are doing and that they simply will not hear you as a result of their gut instinct makes them feel smart. Here i counsel couples to travel India for IVF surrogacy, then you need to seek for Economic Surrogacy In IndiaI found Go Surrogacy for this treatment in India. Hope you also like these.
    Thank's & Regard's