This trying to conceive journey has definitely taken an emotional toll on me. Month after month, negative after negative, I wasn't sure how much longer I could take!! Until last week when I went in to see my doctor about possible testing to check out my uterus, I found out that I was PREGNANT!!! I was so excited, overjoyed, and in disbelief. Was this moment finally here?!? It took a few days before that all settled in and after telling our boys, we all were so happy and just felt complete. I smiled for days =).
Well, that happiness soon ended and I experienced a miscarriage. Although I was only 5 1/2 weeks, I am in complete disappointment. That moment my husband and I shared in the doctor's office when I found out I was pregnant was one of our best and one I will never forget. I have never seen him smile so big before. What we had worked so hard for was finally becoming a reality. It is so sad to think how fast a situation can change, and before you know it, you are experiencing the worst day of your life. I keep thinking in my head, why? Why did this happen to me? Why did it take so long to conceive, and then have this happen? No one can really explain why this happens. It just does. But as selfish as it sounds, I never thought that person would be me. You hear story after story about women miscarrying anytime in their first trimester, but it never really crossed my mind that I would be one of them. I had 2 perfect pregnancies of my own and one amazing surrogate pregnancy that beat so many odds. Why is this happening now??
Although I only miscarried yesterday, I am slowly beginning to accept the situation. But, man, would I give anything to wake up tomorrow and this all be just a nightmare. I know nothing I could have done could have changed the situation, but it feels only natural to feel some sort of guilt. I just hope someday soon this moment will be behind me as I am holding my brand new newborn baby. Only time will tell if, and when, this dream of mine will finally come true.
Oooh Ashley.. I am SO sorry for your loss! nothing will diminish the hurt except time.. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers and pray your little Angel is on his or her way soon.. HUGS!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Tonya! I hope our little angel will be here very soon too. I know that it won't fully take this pain away, but it sure would make things feel a whole lot better.
DeleteAshley,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you'really going through this. I've been there before and what Babydreams2011 said is true. Just give yourself time. The pain slowly subsides. It may never fully go away, but you'll have someone in your arms soon who will help you forget the sadness. Thinking of you and your family ...
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DeleteAshley, thank you for your words. It seems to slowly be getting better and I am accepting it a little more today. I know everyday that passes will get better and better, but I never want to have to go through that again.
DeleteVery sorry for you. I'll send a little prayer too. Take care.
ReplyDeleteK
Thanks, Kevin!! This just sucks, but can't do nothing else but move on! Oh, and I am anxiously waiting for your little (or BIG) arrival... you guys are going to be the coolest parents =)
DeleteOh Ashley. I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteMy dear Ashley!! So sorry I have been out of the loop and sincerely so sad to hear of your miscarriage. Sayler and I would love to visit- today? tomorrow? We are enjoying a very lazy summer and are anxious to visit you, neighbor! I will text you... in... a ... few minutes... it's coming!!! We love you.
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