Dear linea negra, baby pooch, and whatever else that is not going back...

It would seem that I have so much less on my mind now that the girls are born and I am not in surrogate mode anymore, but I think about my journey every single day and more and more thoughts pop into my head.  So, I want to keep sharing them with you all and hopefully I can be of some help to some of you.

The girls are 4 months old as of yesterday!!  Can you believe it??  Well, I sure can't.  Time is just going by all too quickly.  I love seeing them grow and hear about all of the little, but yet huge, things they are doing now.  For me, as the time goes by soooo quickly, I'm realizing that the journey I had carrying these 3 beautiful girls is getting further behind me.  As hard as that journey was, I wish that I could have it all back just for one day.  It was such an awesome experience and I am so lucky to have had this opportunity.

 Lily, May, and Eve

On a more frustrating note, the urge to throw something at my mirror increases each day that my body has yet to cooperate with me!!  Some of you remember one of my posts from when I was carrying triplets, Bye Bye Belly.  I remember being glued to my computer screen, looking at all of the post triplet belly pics every single day (if you are pregnant with multiples, I would highly NOT recommend this).  That scared me to death!!!  I couldn't believe how much extra skin women get and as much as they work out and lose weight it NEVER goes away without surgery.  But, I accepted the fact that you can't fight the inevitable and tried to not think about the outcome.  Much to my surprise, I turned out damn good!!!!  I can't tell you if it was the $50 cream I bought and religiously used or what, but I am so thankful I don't have any permanent damage.

I am still not 100% happy with my body.  Having had triplets or not, what woman really is??  But, for me, I just want to feel comfortable.  I want to look on the outside how I feel on the inside.  When I look at the mirror, I look at myself and I know that is not who I am.  It has become a struggle and now that this is a new year, I am ready to fix these problems...


The ever so lingering linea negra...
What the heck??  Can this dark line ever go away?  When I was pregnant, my preggo line down the middle of my belly was very faint and only appeared towards the end of my pregnancy.  But, after I had the girls and my tummy deflated, it seemed as though that line got darker and longer!!  I have seen it gradually decrease over the past couple months, but it is definitely still there.  I think if that were to find its way out of my life I would feel slightly better about myself.  I wouldn't feel as if I am in a permanent state of recovery and my body will forever appear "post baby".  Bathing suit season is soon approaching us... I hope Mr. Negra is aware of that.

No, I am NOT pregnant, fool!!!
I know most of you can relate to this.  Those weeks following delivery, you are constantly asked, "When are you due?"  It is especially difficult for surrogates because we do not have a baby present to kick some common sense into some people.  I remember I went out with my youngest son, who was just a couple weeks at that time.  Some dumb lady (who, by the way, was a mother herself) asked how far along I was?!?  Helllooooo!!!  How could I be pregnant when I literally just had a baby!!  Some people just don't have a filter, they just let their brains do the talking.  I didn't expect my belly to shrink the day or even couple months following the delivery of the triplets.  I knew my body had expanded to the max and it was literally impossible to have a flat tummy shortly after I had the girls.  So, when people asked if I was pregnant and so on, I let them know VERY proudly that I just had triplets.  I got some, "Oh, I'm sorry.  You look great for just having triplets!!"  And I did think I looked great for just having 3 babies.  But, now that it has been 4 months I'm wondering when this is all going to stop??!!

I can see that my little baby pooch is slowly shrinking.  And I mean SLOWLY!!!  After I had Max, my second son, I went to see a plastic surgeon (just being curious) about my pooch because it really wasn't doing what it was supposed to be doing by my standards.  I was informed that I had abnormally big, strong stomach muscles that had the ability to stretch more than the average woman (one of the reasons why I had such a successful triplet pregnancy).  Because the muscles had the ability to strengthen so much while being pregnant, shrinking after pregnancy was going to take some time.  I remember when my youngest son turned 1 year old is when I actually began to feel satisfied and my belly actually was flat again.  A year?!????!!  Well, I guess that is better than nothing.

I don't get asked much anymore if I am pregnant or when I am due or anything.  But, I do run into some idiot every now and then.  I can't use the "I just had triplets" thing anymore, so I just tell them no and make them feel stupid.  Sometimes I wonder how many people they ask that and are wrong.  To me, I don't look entirely pregnant, more just really bloated.  One of the biggest rules to all of you out there... don't ask a woman if she is pregnant unless you are 100% positive!!!!

Dieting, impossible!!
I am just dying to diet!!  But, the moment that I try to limit my intake, my breast milk disappears.  It is the hardest thing to find that balance.  The fact is, the more you eat, the more milk you get.  So, something had to give.  In order for me to reach my 6 month goal, or even longer, I have to keep up my calorie intake.  If I wasn't pumping, things would be much different.  But, the girls need me =)

Back to the gym...
Now that recovering is far behind me and I have settled down in my new city lifestyle, I hit the gym!!  I really was surprised about how much energy I had.  I thought I was going to be an absolute mess my first couple weeks, but I think I did pretty good!!  Yesterday, I ran 10 minutes straight on the treadmill!!  That may not be a lot to some of you, but that is just incredible to me.  I really want to keep it up and lose those extra pounds that I gained during all of those hormone injection days (I think I gained 15 pounds before I actually got pregnant).  And, I have to say, going to the gym makes me feel so great about myself.  As much as I have to drag myself there, I am completely satisfied when I walk out!!!  The hardest part is motivating yourself, but you can do it!!!


So, now that the girls are 4 months old, I have 2 months before I wish to see that dramatic change in my appearance.  I have to keep focused and reach for that goal.  On March 2nd, when the girls turn 6 months old, I promise to post pics of the body, changed or not.  Hopefully everyone will all be pleasantly surprised!!  Bikini here I come (ok, I may have to settle for a tankini!!).