Growing Your Family After Surrogacy...

Okay, so this topic has really caught my attention lately and I have gotten so many different opinions and facts about the whole thing...

How does being a surrogate effect your chances of having more children of your own after your surrogacy journey?

Now that I have had over a year of recovering and I am FINALLY "normal", I am excited to say that we are ready to work on our 3rd and, most likely, last baby!!!  However, things aren't going as smoothly as I assumed they would go.  Without going into detail, I am not crazy Ms Fertile Myrtle anymore =(.  I am not yet in panic mode because I know I need to give it some more time even though I have NEVER had to give it time in the past.  Shoot, I got pregnant with my first while taking the pill religiously, my second happened on our first time trying for him, AND I got preggo as a surrogate with 3 babies!!  Hmmmm, maybe I do have a problem, maybe not? 

I have posted this issue on support sites and have also read up on other people's past problems with this and I have gotten so many different answers.  Some women say that their agency HIGHLY recommends a surrogate be 100% finished having their own kids before becoming a surrogate because of the risks.  My agency never warned me about anything like this possibly happening! Some women say that the fertility drugs you take to get pregnant can effect your own fertility later on. Some women have met past surrogates who ended up needing their own surrogate after their journey because they then experienced their own infertility.  Then there are women who claim that the chances of something going wrong and effecting your chances of having another baby after a surrogacy journey is so small and should not be stressed about.  This has all got me so confused!!

I am not jumping to any conclusion and claiming that I have a fertility issue as of now.  But, I can honestly say that something has changed.  My body hasn't felt the same since being a surrogate.  But I believe that this has more to do with the fact that I had triplets more then because I was a surrogate.  But after reading so many different comments and concerns, I just can't help but worry just a bit.  I couldn't imagine if there was a problem; that would just break my husband's heart and he did nothing to deserve this.  I am going to think VERY positive in the next few months and just have fun trying!!  I will be sooooo blessed when/if the time comes where I can announce that there is MY bun in MY oven!!  I really believe that I deserve this.  Wish me luck!!

Remembering the Loss of Babies...

I am so proud of my sister and her accomplishments.  She co-founded Walk to Remember  years after she experienced a horrible loss of her baby during pregnancy.  This organization has helped so many families and the support they give is just amazing!!  Last weekend, they had their 2nd annual Walk to Remember event and I was blown away with it all.  I was so honored to be able to be the photographer/videographer for the event and finally finished a video that is just so touching.  If you have about 15 minutes to spare, take a look at the event.... and you gotta watch the entire thing =)

**Make sure your volume is on and press HD to get the best quality**
Make take about 15 seconds to load!!

Happy Birthday, Max!!

My little Max is 3 years old (yesterday, so I'm a day late)!!  I really cannot believe how fast the last 3 years have gone and it is very sad to think that I no longer have a baby or a toddler in the house =(.  No more diapers, bottles, pacifiers, baby gates, or sleepless nights; just 2 big boys who have become so independent.  Seeing my youngest turn another year older really makes that urge to have another baby so much stronger!!  I know I can't wait for our tentative conception date (which is 7 loooonnnnggg months away), but it will be here before we know it and hopefully around January 2013 I will have my last little bundle of joy and my family will be complete.

Maxwell, happy birthday my little monkey.  Having you was one of the best yet craziest decisions me and your daddy have made; having 2 boys just 14 months apart has been quite the challenge but so amazing!!  Your laughter and sense of humor always makes me smile.  You have the most kissable cheeks, and although you are just like your mommy and aren't the overly affectionate type, everyone enjoys stealing hugs and kisses from you whenever they get the chance.  Even though you follow in your brothers shadows the majority of the time, you really are one-of-a-kind and have changed our lives so much!!  Love you, Max!!

 Wow!!  Me, 9 months preggo, getting ready for delivery.

LOVE  scheduled c-section!!

Meeting Maxwell Grant for the first time.

Jackson meeting his little "Brober"!

LOVE this picture!!

He was just the chunkiest, cutest thing!!

My BIG boys today

I'm 3!!

Love his smile =)

Mommy and daddy love him soooo much!!

  

1st Birthday Party!

The girls' birthday party this past Saturday was a blast!!  I was so happy to see all 3 of them and my IP's.  I think it has been over 3 months since I saw them all last so the girls definitely grew!!!  They are BIG healthy one year olds... I guess at their last high risk appointment their doctor told them that by their health, you would never know they were triplets delivered at 32 weeks.  They are much bigger then your average healthy singleton one year old and that is soooo awesome!!!  The girls are definitely ready to walk and I bet their parents will be chasing them around very soon.  It is so weird how their personalities haven't changed since birth; Eve is so serious and stares at you with these amazing huge eyes.  May is the fighter and just wants to explore and be put down.  Lily is just so content and takes in everything around her.  Although they are so much alike, they have so much different personalities.

With my family (husband, 2 boys, mom, and sister) in tow, we all headed to the birthday party.  Besides the girls and my IP's, there were some familiar faces.  One of my biggest supports through my pregnancy, my head nurse/coordinator, was there!!!  I hadn't seen her since my postpartum visit.  Without her, I don't think I could have survived and it was so awesome to talk with her again.  The girls' NICU nurse was also there with her family.  Even a baby that was neighbors to the girls in the NICU joined us with her mommy!! Oh, and I finally got to meet fellow bloggers and expected daddies of triplets, Our Journey to Fatherhood!!  It was soooo much fun!!

Anyway, I bet you really want to see some pics, so here they are:

Me and Eve, who had no problem jumping right into my arms

Lily

May

My oldest, Jackson

My youngest, Max

Eve

My sister with Lily and me with Eve

The boys watching Lily walk

Lily loved my mom

And she loved blowing kisses!!

She gave me lots of kisses!!

Lily

Max guarding the presents

Music time! Lily

Eve

May

My kids LOVE cake!!

Yummy!!

Pool was a little too tempting =)

Wow!!  I just can't believe it has been over a year.  The girls are growing up so fast and I can't wait to watch every year that passes.  My IP said a very warming thing at the party when he introduced me to one of their friends, "This is our surrogate."  I replied, "Well I WAS your surrogate."  They then replied, "To us, you will always be our surrogate."  That just meant a lot to me because even after all this time, I still mean a lot to them.  I didn't know if time was going to naturally drift us apart, but I am happy to say that it has only had the opposite effect.  I am very lucky =)

It was honor to attend this big day.  Every day that passes makes me feel more and more proud of the thing I did for this family.  I cannot imagine life without my surrogacy journey.  It really is an overwhelmingly, awesome feeling!!!

Happy Birthday, Eve, May, and Lily!!

I dug up some pics of the girls shortly after birth, and a year has definitely made some changes:

Eve (Baby A- Identical to May)

Eve, 1 year old!

May (Baby B- the smallest, identical to Eve)

May, 1 year old!

Lily (Baby C- first to go home)

Lily, 1 year old

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Eve, May, and Lily!!!!!

My surro triplets are ONE year old today!!

Wow!!!  Can you all believe it has been a year???  I sure can't.  It seems like just a few months ago I was miserably preggo with triplets in the dead heat of summer.  I remember their birth day like it was yesterday... what an indescribably amazing moment. I never knew how I would feel towards these girls a year from delivery before I had them.  Would I miss them?  Would I worry about them?  Would I want to leave them alone to live their own lives?  This was all a new experience for me so I was just hoping for the best, emotionally.  But, I've gotta tell you that how I felt about them the moment they were born hasn't changed a bit and I can't be more thankful for them in my life.  I am so proud to have been given the opportunity to be their surrogate mother.  I am so proud of myself for getting through one of the toughest challenges of my life.  I am so proud to have had the honor of making my IP's parents.  I wouldn't change a thing.

Just a little while ago I received a delivery.  My IP's and the girls sent me flowers, thanking me for giving them the most amazing gift one year ago.  I could not believe this!!  It honestly brought tears to my eyes knowing how much they think about me and continue to appreciate what I did for them.  Every time we see each other, talk, or they send me pictures, I am constantly reminded of how fortunate I am to be apart of their lives.  It is a relationship that has worked out perfectly for all of us and that I will never take for granted.  I have so much to be thankful for.

Thanks so much, A and M!!!!

This was the last belly pic

9/02/10 About to deliver!!

A year later...

VERY happy =)

 

 

I can't wait to see the girls at their birthday party in a couple weeks.  My boys have never met the triplets and only have seen them through the pics I have framed in our house.  They have gotten their names down, so I am looking forward to them all seeing each other face to face.  I will definitely have lots of pics to share with all of you.  It will be lots of fun!!

Children of Surrogacy

I found a very interesting discussion on a surrogate group I am apart of on BabyCenter.  Someone had come across a short blog, The Son of a Surrogate, from years ago which can be found here.  The first time I read this, I had so many mixed emotions; I was mad that someone would judge any surrogate/egg donor in this way, I was sad that he had developed these feelings as a result of something I am largely apart of, I was annoyed with the way his mother (aka adoptive mother) handled the situation, and I was just confused and really didn't know what was the right thing to think about all of this.

After thinking about it for awhile it finally occurred to me that there may be many children out there who are experiencing these emotions as a result of surrogacy.  Although some of us can argue that these feelings may or may not be valid, the truth of the matter is that everyone is entitled to have feelings/mixed emotions especially as a result of something so life changing.  Then it got me thinking about how some IP's decide to cut off communication with a surrogate shortly after the birth.  Maybe that is their way of avoiding any sort of emotional roller coaster for the child as they grow up?  Maybe they do have a very valid reason when they do this.  I am not saying I enjoy seeing my fellow surrogates experience this sudden ongoing pain, but I can kind of understand the IP's motives.

As surrogacy gets more and more popular and widely used, we don't quite know how this may effect children growing up.  I do believe it is best to be upfront and honest with children in the beginning about who and where they came from, but sometimes this doesn't happen.  I absolutely don't disagree with the work I did as a surrogate or what any surrogate is doing, but I really believe there will be some children that grow up and will not be accepting of the situation.  It can be so similar to the feelings that an adoptive child might experience; although they had an amazing childhood growing up all thanks to their adoptive parents, there are still many that experience a difficult time with the fact that they came from somewhere else.

There are many different situations that happen with surrogacy; traditional surrogacy (surrogates egg, IF's/donors sperm), surrogacy using IF's sperm with egg from ED, surrogacy using an egg and sperm donor, set of 2 IF's using an egg donor with one/both sperms, etc.  So some situations can be harder for children to accept over time.  I guess I just really hope that IP's do the best job they can on raising these surro babies with as much knowledge and understanding of how they came into this world.  I think ignoring the issue and trying to hide it may only cause more damage as the truth finally comes out one day.  Hmmm, what do you guys think about all of this??

Does it Ever End?!?

I am sick of this "recovery" stage of pregnancy.  Yes, the triplets will be ONE in less then a month and I am still dealing with post delivery issues every now and then.  Believe it or not, I think I passed my very last blood clot about two and a half months ago!!!  Yay, finally!!!  The birth control pill I was prescribed to regulate my period that I was getting every other week (who knows if this was menstrual bleeding or continued recovery bleeding) finally kicked in 7 months later and I just had a normal cycle!!!  Things started looking up until I noticed a continued change in my body...

Things were still not back to normal with me, but I thought this was just going to "work itself out over time" (well, that's what I was told over and over again by so many different doctors).  Yes, I know I was very anemic after birth because of the amount of blood that I lost, I know my hormones were all out of whack because I carried triplets, and I know that my body will never be the same again because I did something very unnatural.  But come on people, sometimes things just don't disappear like we would like them to. 

I basically gave up about 6 months postpartum.  I wasn't getting any answers to why I continued bleeding and why I was feeling certain symptoms still.  I prayed every trip to the bathroom that exposed another golf ball sized clot.  I even tried to hide it from my husband because he was beyond pissed that I was still struggling with a full and healthy recovery.  In a way, I was afraid what the doctor might tell me; possibly having long term damage to my uterus and never being able to have more children.  I was so thankful when I had 2 full months of normal womanly activity; I was so happy I felt like throwing a party!!  I still noticed weird changes in my body, very uncomfortable changes that I won't get into.  Anyway, I finally saw a couple specialists and I FINALLY found out that I have a hormonal imbalance.  Who knows how long this has gone on?  Who knows if this is a direct result of the pregnancy or a cause of another postpartum issue that was left untreated?  Who knows if this was left untreated any longer what it could have done?  All I can tell you is that all of my symptoms began after birth and continued up until this day and the new medication that is prescribed is supposed to help balance me out and prevent these abnormal bodily behaviors. 

So, I am to be on this monitored drug for a VERY long time.  In order to take this medication, I must have frequent blood work done in order to maintain my hormone and potassium levels.  This is not a cure, so once I go off of it, it is very likely the problem will reoccur.  We are hoping that while taking this, my body will adjust itself over time (basically by my body maturing differently with age).  Of course there are lots of side effects to this medication, which I am not too happy about, but I am hoping it is worth it. 

The main thing I am concerned about, is having another baby.  There is NO WAY you should get preggo on this drug because it is a hormonal drug which can severely mess with a fetus.  I have to be VERY strict with birth control, which also makes me very nervous.  So, when I plan my next pregnancy (which I originally wanted to start trying early 2012), I need to have tests done in order to have the "okay".  Well, that sucks!!!  I guess that is what needs to be done to have a healthy baby, but it is just not what I was expecting at all.  Why can't I just have a normal life after surrogacy?  Why did everything come back to haunt me?  I can keep telling myself that all the struggles were worth it, but as the girls are turning one and completely happy and healthy, I am still struggling, and will continue to for God knows how long!!!  I guess I am now just dealing with it and trying not to discuss much of it with my loved ones... I know how frustrating it can be and I know that they know I don't deserve this after what I have been through.  My biggest hope is that time just fixes me and I will get that healthy baby that I agree is well deserved =)