Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Reactions to the Big Belly!!

I am officially embarrassed to go out in public.  I have never gotten so many stares and comments from perfect strangers before.  With my other 2 pregnancies, people smiled and congratulated me, sometimes asking when I am due or what I am having.  Now that I am very pregnant, looking as if I am about to pop any day, I am not getting the same reactions.

I think when people first glance at me, my gigantic belly, my 2 toddlers, and then notice how young I am, they think I am absolutely INSANE!!  It's not the same smile ("Awww, she is having her first baby" or "How cute, they're going to have 2 little boys"), it's a forced smile (like, "Wow, when is she going to stop?!" or "This was definitely an accident!!").  Some people are totally oblivious to their reactions, and it is starting to get pretty amusing.

My husband has really gotten some fun out of the whole triplet thing.  When we are out and people are dying to know what I am having (for some reason rooting for me to have a girl), he immediately says with a complete straight face, "3 girls."  The look on people's faces is priceless!!  At first some think it is some kind of sick joke, "Really, what are you having?"  When my husband's expression doesn't change and they notice that he is serious, they have a difficult time reacting; they don't know whether to congratulate us or not.  About 50% of the time, we don't feel like going through the entire surrogacy story, and plus, hearing people's comments towards us having 5 kids under 3 years old is so entertaining:

"Do you really know what you are in for??"

"Girl, you better get your tubes tide after this one!!"

"Wow!  Was this natural or did you guys plan to have triplets?"

"You guys won't be going anywhere for years!!"

"Tell me you guys have help.  There is no way you can do this alone."

"Did you ever think about selective reduction?  You know what that means, right?" 

Not one person seems to have a positive response... if they only knew these girls weren't ours!! LOL!!!

For the other half of strangers we do end up telling about the fact that I am carrying the babies for another couple, we get mixed responses:

"Wait, a what??  I don't understand."

"Oh, well that changes everything.  Congratulations!!"

"I've never met someone like you before."

"That is the most kindest thing I have ever heard... I just want to hug you!!"

"What kind of person can just give away their babies??" 
"They're not biologically mine."
"I know, but you are still giving them away.  How could you do that??"

"I hope they are paying for a tummy tuck after."

You can never win with some people.  But, I have to forgive them all because surrogacy is such a rare topic of conversation and most people will never know someone to do what I am doing.  It takes a lot of research and education in order to grasp a full concept of the entire process.  One short conversation or two can leave people very confused, so I just keep reminding myself of that.

Hopefully, one day surrogacy can be a more accepted and knowledgeable process, so people like me won't have these random, awkward conversations with complete strangers.  Now that I think about it, I still can't get some of my closest family members to fully understand and accept my situation... some things are just a lost cause. 

Here's to approaching week 26... so close to winning our bronze medal!!!! 


  1. Ashley, I have loved following your blog. I have 5 kids all before I was 30. Let me tell you I get looks and comments all the time. I'm almost scared to hear the comments I'll get when I finally become pregnant as a GS. BTW, you look amazing.

  2. I have to admit I often say things without thinking and one thing surrogacy and knowing other surros has taught me is that I've rarely ever considered all aspects of something and I really should think about what I say instead of spouting off some generic response. Your belly is adorable!!

  3. I was laughing at your comments from people....i either get a look like im a lunatic, or a look as if they just met an angel. Its hard to tell, but it sure does keep things interesting!
    Way to go! your doing amazing!

  4. My step-mother (not a brilliant person) was one of the idiots who asked "How can you give them away? You're going to take one look at them and fall in love!"

    Yeah right! Other people's kids are cute, but I have enough already, thanks! I'm more than happy to "give them away" and would be less than happy to raise twins along with the three young'ns I already have.

    But then, this is why not everyone is cut out to be a surrogate.

  5. I get comments all the time when I go out with my 3 little girls, "Wow, you've got YOUR hands full!" It's annoying to me, and I think it's a little bit rude. I'll be looking pregnant in a couple months and I can just imagine strangers' thoughts.

  6. This post made me laugh out loud! Especially the "did you plan to have triplets" comment! People...