But, the truth is, I just hit HELL!!
I did get a fair warning from my doctor weeks ago that around 24 weeks I would begin to face misery and complete discomfort. Man, was he right!! I also remember speaking with a woman who has gone through a similar experience and she summed it all up perfectly... if she could have just gone in a coma in the last few months and woken up when it was all over, that would have been a huge burden lifted off of her!! At first, I could not imagine that this could all be that bad. But, now that I am experiencing this myself, a coma doesn't sound half bad!!
Most of you reading this will NEVER know exactly how this all feels and will not even come close to knowing. Yes, a singleton pregnancy may seem very hard when you are in the moment, but now that I have experienced being pregnant with triplets, I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PITY FOR YOU!!! Looking back, my first 2 pregnancies were a piece of cake, a walk in the park!! Sorry ladies, but until you have more than one bun in the oven, stop your complaining!! (Okay, hormones are raging just a bit)!
It seems as though I have done nothing but complain throughout this pregnancy, but do you blame me? I did have a really good couple months there, but that ended all too soon. Oh, what I would give to just breathe again, walk without the constant pain, or even enjoy a simple meal with some sort of consequence.
Everyday just seems to be getting worse... as my IP's enjoy an AMAZING vacation in Hawaii (which they truly need and deserve), I am sitting here experiencing the hardest challenge of my life:
- Do you know the feeling of being really sick with a fever, waking up in a bed full of sweat at night? Well, that is what I feel like 24/7. As little clothes as I can find to wear, I am beyond HOT and constantly sweating!! It doesn't help that it is summer here in Southern California and I can't run my a/c as I please for the sake of my children, so I just have to face the misery at night with the feeling of over-heating!!
- I know most of you know what heartburn/acid reflux feels like. Well, I have been dealing with this pain since the first weeks of pregnancy. And no, it's not from eating certain foods or laying down after eating... it is a constant issue, all day every day!! I have it when I go to bed- it's there when I wake up.
- Well, what do you know? The nausea has returned and appears to have no plans of leaving. For the past 2 weeks, I am dealing with the same early pregnancy morning (more like all day) sickness. Some days it is so bad, especially with the heart burn involved, that I have no choice but to throw up on an empty stomach. Most women at this stage are enjoying chowing down on chili cheese fries and cheeseburgers, but eating hasn't been worth what comes moments after.
- A couple nights ago, I thought I was having the worst, ever-lasting contraction. However, as a result of picking up my son, I pulled a ligament or 2 in my lower belly. The pain was so excruciating, it brought me to my knees. As some of you know, this pain will remain until the end of pregnancy. Nothing that can be done except a daily dose of Tylenol. And yes, I know I shouldn't be picking up my 30 pound son, but as a mother, that is just impossible. I do my best to avoid straining myself that way, but I can't lie and say that I never do. These are my children, one who is not even 2 yet. I have already neglected baby Max in so many ways, I'm not about to not pick him up in his biggest times of need. Sorry!!
- Sleeping is completely lost. Not only does the sweats, nausea, and heartburn ruin a decent night sleep, but my body has completely been taken over and there is no position comfortable for me. Sleeping on either side is almost impossible. The babies are so squished in my belly, that laying on my side only squishes them more, causing horrible pains to my sides. Laying on my back just sucks, no matter how elevated I am. The babies put so much pressure on my spine, I can't breathe easily. Don't ask me how I ever sleep, cause I have no idea!!
- You would never know that simple things like going potty would be so miserable. That white porcelain seat seems like it is a year way down to the floor!! When that time comes, I just basically fall to the seat, dreading getting up. After finding a way to get out of the bathroom, my body feels like I just did 100 squats!!
- And lastly (but I'm sure I left out a million more discomforts), being able to walk is just a miracle!! I always hated those women who waddled during pregnancy, but I cannot help that anymore. As soon as I go to stand, it feels as though a bowling ball has been placed in my uterus and is pushing it's way out. My inner thighs feel as if they are being ripped apart. My lower back is in desperate need of a cracking. And my feet and hands begin swelling in matter of minutes.
Oh, the joys of pregnancy!! I think all of this pain and discomfort is getting to my emotions more because I am a surrogate. There is no baby shopping to do to keep me busy. I have no nursery to prepare to make the time go by faster. I'm looking forward to the delivery more than anything; not because I get to see and hold the babies, but just because I want to BREATHE!! The truth is inevitable; if I was pregnant with triplets of my own, I think this experience may have a different effect on my emotions. As much as I am dying to make my IP's parents, my perspective on this rough experience would be completely different if I were bringing home 3 babies. I think that is the biggest encouragement for women having a difficult pregnancy- the light at the end of the tunnel is being able to meet their baby/babies and enjoy a lifetime of happiness with them. Yes, my light is being able to give the most amazing gift of life to someone less fortunate. But because I have been given this huge challenge, accepting the fact that I went through 32 of the worst weeks of my life and having to leave the hospital with empty arms, may be a little tougher than I thought when I originally began this process.
Anyway, that's enough venting for the week. Next post, I promise to have a more positive outlook (or so I will try).