So, I had another appointment today. I am 31 weeks 4 days... only a few more days until we reach 32 weeks!! I can't believe we made it this far.
Today was a very LONG day!! I was there a good 5 or 6 hours. We first had our ultrasound done. All of the babies were measured. Baby A (which used to be Baby C, which is the fraternal one, but who knows how all of that worked itself out) is measuring 4 lbs 7 oz!! BIG baby!! Baby B is 3 lbs 11 oz, measuring exactly on target. And Baby C is also a whopping 4 lbs 7 oz!! I can't believe how much they have grown. They say, any triplet delivered over 3 pounds is AWESOME and it looks like we made it.
Not everything was perfect. A little concern about Baby A. She basically has no fluid left, no pockets to be measured. Who knows how this happened, but there is a possibility that it could be replenished. Baby B and Baby C (the identicals) have a good amount of fluid and no concerns there. We waited to hear what the doctor had to say.
We then measured the cervix. It is shortening, but expected to. It is a little over 2 cm, but still hanging in there. Every week it seems to be getting shorter and shorter, so sooner than later that will be a concern.
I had a Non-Stress Test (NST) following the ultrasound to make sure Baby A wasn't effected by the lack of fluid. After 35 minutes of monitoring, we saw no stress of her heart rate which was a good sign. I have to give the nurse a HUGE compliment... she found every baby so fast and monitored them better than I have ever seen!!
We then waited what seemed like a lifetime for our doctor (he is quite the busy man)!! He first prescribed me with more antibiotics, so I am praying for relief from this cough. Bronchitis is the assumption now. Who really knows?!? Anyway, more importantly, he gave us his thoughts on the ultrasound findings. He highly suggested coming in for an NST every couple of days to make sure Baby A is tolerating the lack of fluid. He did use one word that scared the crap out of my IP's... stillbirth!! Yes, this is a possibility (very very small one) that the doctor needed to address. Since there isn't much fluid for the baby, she can possibly put too much pressure on her umbilical cord and cut off her life support. The reality of that happening?? Doesn't seem too high, but of course it was a HUGE concern for my IP's. She was doing very well today, so in another 48 hours we will check again. We came to the conclusion that we will monitor Baby A as much as we can and when we feel the need to admit or deliver, we will. Our doctor said that admittance would be more than likely next week, but more or less gave my IP's a choice if they would like that to move up or not. I basically got very lucky once again. It is more than likely that Thursday I will be calling Loma Linda my home until I deliver. But, anything can happen at any time. Being pregnant with triplets comes with way too many surprises... this is getting to be VERY stressful.
So, I am STILL home... YAY!!! But, I won't be saying that much longer. With this long day I had, contractions definitely increased when I got home and I am trying to get them to stop. Blogging definitely keeps my mind a little off of them, but they are very uncomfortable.
Another day has passed... let's see what tomorrow brings!!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
31 weeks...
We are 31 weeks today, and I am just so over this!!
I have been trying my best to put on that smile and think positively, but in all honesty, I feel horrible!! This everlasting cough just keeps getting worse and apparently it's not an infection. May just be pregnancy related, but who knows... I want nothing more than to just breathe again, that's all I ask!!
I had a sudden urge to pack my hospital bag yesterday... hmmmm.
I know everyone has high expectations for me and think I will go a few more weeks, but I'm not too sure about that. I am definitely feeling very different and I have high suspicions about the weekend to follow. I guess we will see!!
Well, I don't have much to share today. Our next appointment is on Tuesday. One more week until we reach the big 3-2!!
I have been trying my best to put on that smile and think positively, but in all honesty, I feel horrible!! This everlasting cough just keeps getting worse and apparently it's not an infection. May just be pregnancy related, but who knows... I want nothing more than to just breathe again, that's all I ask!!
I had a sudden urge to pack my hospital bag yesterday... hmmmm.
I know everyone has high expectations for me and think I will go a few more weeks, but I'm not too sure about that. I am definitely feeling very different and I have high suspicions about the weekend to follow. I guess we will see!!
Well, I don't have much to share today. Our next appointment is on Tuesday. One more week until we reach the big 3-2!!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
YAY... I'm Still Home!!!!
A quick little update... it's late, I'm tired, and there is a nice slice of tuxedo cheesecake waiting in my kitchen!!
I had a weekly routine visit today. You know last week was a HUGE scare for me so I had no idea what today was going to bring. I prepared myself for the worst though... my house was clean, laundry done (thank you, Cameron), bills paid, boys' schedule (in detail) posted up, and so much more little things I wouldn't have to worry about if I were admitted. Although, I did not bring a hospital bag with me to my appointment because I think that is bad luck!!
I first had a quick cervical length check with my favorite ultrasound tech. I wasn't too sure of what to think of it when I saw it. The length, to me and my mom, still looked pretty decent, but it really looked as if the cervix had opened a significant amount compared to last week. Of course, the ultrasound tech didn't give me any answers and just smiled as she walked out the door as I asked if the doctor was going to make me stay...
My IP's came back with the doctor. He said he was pleased and was convinced that I took bed rest very serious this past week. I think that the false scare that happened at my last appointment was a huge reality check and I have rested so much more!!! My cervix is still in the low 3 cm range, with pressure it is in the 2's. So, it has shortened just a bit but as long as I'm RESTING I can stay home!!! It did appear to him on the ultrasound that I may have lost my mucus plug (I know, horrible medical term), but I don't recall that taking place. So, I'll be on the lookout!! The doctor did not do a vaginal exam to check for dilation because the more that happens the more it upsets the uterus. So, now I just have to be the judge... monitor contractions, pressure, leaking fluid, and most importantly, STAY IN BED!!!
Other than the normal complaints and discomforts, I just had to get sick over the weekend. I have had the worst cough and sore throat. Like many of you know, coughing and being very pregnant is not a good combination!!! I did go to urgent care and am on antibiotics for a respiratory infection, so I'm hoping for just a few more days of this.
Also, I can now say that I have swelled up!! Yesterday was the first sight of balloon feet and I could not find my ankles!! It isn't as bad as I know it can get, but it sure isn't pretty. I know I am taking on a lot of water weight... I gained 5 pounds this past week and I hardly eat!!! Wow, that's 34 pounds gained so far =(
Anyway, I guess that was a longer update than I thought and I really NEED my dessert now =) We are 31 weeks this Friday and are just about there to 32 weeks!!! We have another appointment in a week (babies will be measured in detail), so let's hope I make it!!
I had a weekly routine visit today. You know last week was a HUGE scare for me so I had no idea what today was going to bring. I prepared myself for the worst though... my house was clean, laundry done (thank you, Cameron), bills paid, boys' schedule (in detail) posted up, and so much more little things I wouldn't have to worry about if I were admitted. Although, I did not bring a hospital bag with me to my appointment because I think that is bad luck!!
I first had a quick cervical length check with my favorite ultrasound tech. I wasn't too sure of what to think of it when I saw it. The length, to me and my mom, still looked pretty decent, but it really looked as if the cervix had opened a significant amount compared to last week. Of course, the ultrasound tech didn't give me any answers and just smiled as she walked out the door as I asked if the doctor was going to make me stay...
My IP's came back with the doctor. He said he was pleased and was convinced that I took bed rest very serious this past week. I think that the false scare that happened at my last appointment was a huge reality check and I have rested so much more!!! My cervix is still in the low 3 cm range, with pressure it is in the 2's. So, it has shortened just a bit but as long as I'm RESTING I can stay home!!! It did appear to him on the ultrasound that I may have lost my mucus plug (I know, horrible medical term), but I don't recall that taking place. So, I'll be on the lookout!! The doctor did not do a vaginal exam to check for dilation because the more that happens the more it upsets the uterus. So, now I just have to be the judge... monitor contractions, pressure, leaking fluid, and most importantly, STAY IN BED!!!
Other than the normal complaints and discomforts, I just had to get sick over the weekend. I have had the worst cough and sore throat. Like many of you know, coughing and being very pregnant is not a good combination!!! I did go to urgent care and am on antibiotics for a respiratory infection, so I'm hoping for just a few more days of this.
Also, I can now say that I have swelled up!! Yesterday was the first sight of balloon feet and I could not find my ankles!! It isn't as bad as I know it can get, but it sure isn't pretty. I know I am taking on a lot of water weight... I gained 5 pounds this past week and I hardly eat!!! Wow, that's 34 pounds gained so far =(
Anyway, I guess that was a longer update than I thought and I really NEED my dessert now =) We are 31 weeks this Friday and are just about there to 32 weeks!!! We have another appointment in a week (babies will be measured in detail), so let's hope I make it!!
Friday, August 20, 2010
HAPPY 30 WEEKS!!!
And the silver medal goes to.... ME!!! We are 30 weeks today and only 2 more weeks until we reach the GOLD!!! 32 weeks is the last goal; 90% of triplets are born by this day, so I have a good feeling we will make it.
After that little scare with the doctor, I am doing all that I can to stay on bed rest. My question is, how are you expected to be in bed as much as possible when you have to pee every 5 minutes?!? It's not like I am drinking gallons of water, just my usual, but I have never gone potty so much in my life!!
Showers have also become quite the marathon for me. I do love my long and steaming hot showers, but it is such a hassle!! After 5 minutes, I feel like I am about to pass out. I try to stay clean and my hair somewhat decent just in case I go into the hospital at any moment, but man is it becoming the challenge. Baths are almost out of the question... it is nearly impossible to get my huge body in and out without contracting for the following 3 hours. Geez, I just want to be clean!!!
I think the boys are starting to forget how things used to be and I can't wait to show them what a great mommy I was just a few months back. Although they are getting very good at entertaining themselves now, they need to be kids again and enjoy all the things that we used to. Now that I am on strict STRICT bed rest, the couple hours here and there where no one is available to help with them is becoming easier. I can't expect the world to drop everything all day everyday, so the boys have been excellent when it is just the 3 of us, or should I say 6?? I LOVE them to death!! They haven't given up on mommy yet. I owe so much to them when this is over.
I am glad I am not able to go anywhere because clothes do not fit!! My maternity shirts are so tight and barely cover the whole belly. My boobs are getting ginormous and it is completely painful to wear bras. I have resorted to wearing my husband's sweat pants, a very stretchy sports bra, and whatever tank that doesn't make me sweat. Thank goodness no one has to see me like this... I hate being this sloppy looking, even if my only visitor is the UPS man!!
After that little scare with the doctor, I am doing all that I can to stay on bed rest. My question is, how are you expected to be in bed as much as possible when you have to pee every 5 minutes?!? It's not like I am drinking gallons of water, just my usual, but I have never gone potty so much in my life!!
Showers have also become quite the marathon for me. I do love my long and steaming hot showers, but it is such a hassle!! After 5 minutes, I feel like I am about to pass out. I try to stay clean and my hair somewhat decent just in case I go into the hospital at any moment, but man is it becoming the challenge. Baths are almost out of the question... it is nearly impossible to get my huge body in and out without contracting for the following 3 hours. Geez, I just want to be clean!!!
I think the boys are starting to forget how things used to be and I can't wait to show them what a great mommy I was just a few months back. Although they are getting very good at entertaining themselves now, they need to be kids again and enjoy all the things that we used to. Now that I am on strict STRICT bed rest, the couple hours here and there where no one is available to help with them is becoming easier. I can't expect the world to drop everything all day everyday, so the boys have been excellent when it is just the 3 of us, or should I say 6?? I LOVE them to death!! They haven't given up on mommy yet. I owe so much to them when this is over.
I am glad I am not able to go anywhere because clothes do not fit!! My maternity shirts are so tight and barely cover the whole belly. My boobs are getting ginormous and it is completely painful to wear bras. I have resorted to wearing my husband's sweat pants, a very stretchy sports bra, and whatever tank that doesn't make me sweat. Thank goodness no one has to see me like this... I hate being this sloppy looking, even if my only visitor is the UPS man!!
30 weeks... 29 pounds gained so far!!
New stretch marks are on it's way... yes, I do not have a perfect belly, but much to my surprise it isn't as bad as I thought!! I was expecting HUGE thick marks months ago, but I have been very blessed. Yes, I do have some old ones from my gigantic babies before, but new ones are only in the making and if I'm lucky, I will deliver before too much damage is done. As for that tummy tuck... I'll still take it!!
This waiting game just really sucks and I wish I could tell people when D-Day was. Everyone keeps asking me when the big day is... here is my answer for the millionth time, ANYTIME!!! I wish I knew so that I could have a nice countdown, but the reality is that these babies could come today or in the next 4 weeks. Who knows!?!?!
So, here's to another day at home and out of the hospital. I have reached my personal goal of 30 weeks. Now, another 2 weeks... let's hope the time flies by!!! Routine visit on Tuesday again... so another update in a few days (hopefully from MY bed)!!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Medical Update... Little Scare
As promised, an update from our doctor visit today...
Today we are 29 weeks and 4 days... I can just see that 30 week milestone!! Our visit at the doctors office was supposed to be a short one, but as many of you know, OB appointments are NEVER short!! After waiting a good hour to be seen, the ultrasound tech checked for heartbeats (all perfect) and did a cervical length check. Immediately after she was finished, before I even got my pants back on, the nurse rushed in and had said that our doctor saw that my cervix had changed dramatically and I needed to be checked as soon as possible. What was the rush?? To me, everything looked okay.
So, I go back to an exam room, my mom with me and my IP's outside waiting, not knowing what was going on. My doctor comes in, answers some questions, and then tells me that I would be admitted today for the remainder of this pregnancy. WHAT??? I broke down and cried my eyes out... not expecting to hear this today. Yes, I know this could have happened at any moment, but I guess I never fully prepared for it. He had told me that my cervix had significantly shortened and that it was about 1 cm long. Last time it was checked, it was pretty close to 4 cm. After a lengthy conversation, with many more tears, he went to get the nurse so he could perform a vaginal exam to see if any dilation took place...
WHAT A JERK (okay, not really because I LOVE my doctor), but my ultrasound images were mixed up with another patient!!! As soon as he returned, he apologized that they had mixed up my cervical results with another triplet mom that was there for the same procedure at the same time. It wasn't my cervix that was that short, it was hers!! I'm so glad my IP's weren't in the room to experience all that happened in such a short time; I think they would have panicked even more!! That was definitely a very bad "mix-up". I was put through that devastation for nothing... okay, maybe not for nothing because it got me mentally prepared for the next time I would hear that I would be admitted.
My cervix ultimately measured about a 3, which has shrunk a bit. He did proceed to check me and I am dilated to about 1 cm. The doctor made me promise to stay on VERY strict bed rest and he would let me stay home for another week. THANK GOD!!! Anything can happen at any time, especially since I am dilated and having consistent contractions. Our goal is to get to 32 weeks, and anything after that is just a gamble. So, I can do this, right??
In a way, this little scare was a good thing for me. I'm lucky that it was a false alarm, but it allowed me to realize that I could be away from home at any moment. I really am going to focus on mentally preparing myself for the worse, and if I have to be admitted I know I did whatever I could to get to this point. I have done amazingly well so far and being admitted to the hospital is just expected at some point in this pregnancy. I have to be blessed with every day that I get to be home because things could always be worse. That doesn't mean I am going to be less devastated about possibly missing Jackson's first day of school, but I'm trying my very best to accept it... there is nothing that I can do but pray.
So, we have another appointment scheduled in exactly a week (weekly visits are a must now). If I am dilated any more, a 2 or 3, then I will be admitted. However, there are women out there who can be dilated at a one for months before anything changes, so let's keep our fingers crossed. I would love nothing more than to be one of those Super Preggo Triplet Moms who stays out of the hospital up until the day she delivers =)
On a side note, I know a lot of you were concerned about my last post. I find this blog to be very therapeutic for me and I am glad I am able to share my feelings and emotions. I thank many of you for your support and words of encouragement. I definitely have my bad days, but I am doing my best to be as happy as I can in my current situation. I did speak with a child behavioral specialist today, which was extremely helpful for me. I got some great advice about my entire situation as a surrogate and how it is interfering with Jack and Max. So, my outlook is gradually getting better on my role as mommy and I'm trying to not let the stress get to me. She had wonderful advice and I am going to take that advice and apply it as best as I can.
Again, thank you to everyone who has been a huge support, stranger or friend. I'm glad everyone is cheering for me.
Guess what... only a few more weeks!!!
Today we are 29 weeks and 4 days... I can just see that 30 week milestone!! Our visit at the doctors office was supposed to be a short one, but as many of you know, OB appointments are NEVER short!! After waiting a good hour to be seen, the ultrasound tech checked for heartbeats (all perfect) and did a cervical length check. Immediately after she was finished, before I even got my pants back on, the nurse rushed in and had said that our doctor saw that my cervix had changed dramatically and I needed to be checked as soon as possible. What was the rush?? To me, everything looked okay.
So, I go back to an exam room, my mom with me and my IP's outside waiting, not knowing what was going on. My doctor comes in, answers some questions, and then tells me that I would be admitted today for the remainder of this pregnancy. WHAT??? I broke down and cried my eyes out... not expecting to hear this today. Yes, I know this could have happened at any moment, but I guess I never fully prepared for it. He had told me that my cervix had significantly shortened and that it was about 1 cm long. Last time it was checked, it was pretty close to 4 cm. After a lengthy conversation, with many more tears, he went to get the nurse so he could perform a vaginal exam to see if any dilation took place...
WHAT A JERK (okay, not really because I LOVE my doctor), but my ultrasound images were mixed up with another patient!!! As soon as he returned, he apologized that they had mixed up my cervical results with another triplet mom that was there for the same procedure at the same time. It wasn't my cervix that was that short, it was hers!! I'm so glad my IP's weren't in the room to experience all that happened in such a short time; I think they would have panicked even more!! That was definitely a very bad "mix-up". I was put through that devastation for nothing... okay, maybe not for nothing because it got me mentally prepared for the next time I would hear that I would be admitted.
My cervix ultimately measured about a 3, which has shrunk a bit. He did proceed to check me and I am dilated to about 1 cm. The doctor made me promise to stay on VERY strict bed rest and he would let me stay home for another week. THANK GOD!!! Anything can happen at any time, especially since I am dilated and having consistent contractions. Our goal is to get to 32 weeks, and anything after that is just a gamble. So, I can do this, right??
In a way, this little scare was a good thing for me. I'm lucky that it was a false alarm, but it allowed me to realize that I could be away from home at any moment. I really am going to focus on mentally preparing myself for the worse, and if I have to be admitted I know I did whatever I could to get to this point. I have done amazingly well so far and being admitted to the hospital is just expected at some point in this pregnancy. I have to be blessed with every day that I get to be home because things could always be worse. That doesn't mean I am going to be less devastated about possibly missing Jackson's first day of school, but I'm trying my very best to accept it... there is nothing that I can do but pray.
So, we have another appointment scheduled in exactly a week (weekly visits are a must now). If I am dilated any more, a 2 or 3, then I will be admitted. However, there are women out there who can be dilated at a one for months before anything changes, so let's keep our fingers crossed. I would love nothing more than to be one of those Super Preggo Triplet Moms who stays out of the hospital up until the day she delivers =)
On a side note, I know a lot of you were concerned about my last post. I find this blog to be very therapeutic for me and I am glad I am able to share my feelings and emotions. I thank many of you for your support and words of encouragement. I definitely have my bad days, but I am doing my best to be as happy as I can in my current situation. I did speak with a child behavioral specialist today, which was extremely helpful for me. I got some great advice about my entire situation as a surrogate and how it is interfering with Jack and Max. So, my outlook is gradually getting better on my role as mommy and I'm trying to not let the stress get to me. She had wonderful advice and I am going to take that advice and apply it as best as I can.
Again, thank you to everyone who has been a huge support, stranger or friend. I'm glad everyone is cheering for me.
Guess what... only a few more weeks!!!
Friday, August 13, 2010
29 Weeks.... And on My Death Bed!!!
We have reached 29 weeks... not as exciting if we were to 30 weeks though. But, another week closer makes very happy IP's and a surviving surrogate.
Well, you have heard about all of the emotional and physical pain I have conquered so far. I really thought things couldn't get any worse until this past week. You know, I see it like this: some women have a pretty manageable time carrying triplets, but they have lots of medical issues and have the babies pretty early, and then there are women (like me) who have one of the healthiest triplet pregnancies but just get the worst symptoms ever imaginable. I guess you can't have your cake (blahhhh, food!) and eat it too!!!
The weight in my belly is nearly KILLING me!! The babies have definitely dropped and it feels as if a bowling ball is resting inside me, nearing the south exit. Yesterday, I really felt as if something was going to drop out!! I had to look down there to make sure that wasn't happening!! I can't walk with my legs together because it really feels as if I am squishing a head and the pain is so unbearable. My nausea has come back at full force, just as bad as first trimester. Dinner is the worst and most times as I am chewing I start to gag, holding in the vomit. The Zofran prescribed to me does nothing but make me tired. One positive thing prescribed to me is the Ambien... I now sleep much more soundly. Don't get me wrong- I still wake up every 30 minutes to alter my position, but I don't have episodes where I stay up for hours on end not being able to sleep.
Strict bed rest has been near impossible. I don't even think chaining me to the bed could keep me down all day!! Yes, if I didn't have 2 toddlers and a husband who worked 70 hours a week, I could lay in bed all day without a care in the world. Besides having mommy responsibilities, the nerves in back have horrible episodes... if I don't immediately stand up to walk off the sudden jolt of pain, my body would be frozen in it's exact position for who knows how long. I'm not running a mini marathon every day or anything and I am resting as much as I can. I NEVER go anywhere (okay, I'm guilty of a 5 minute car ride with my family the other day just to get out of the house), but getting up out of bed once in a while is better for me and everyone... trust me!!!
I think this guy is the only one who enjoys the bed rest! It's so weird how he can sense when I am pregnant. He loves laying on my big belly!! However, Dodger isn't a fan of me bringing home babies!! He definitely is regressing, doing bad things all of a sudden. If only he could understand that these babies aren't coming home with me!!
Now for the emotional journey...
I have never had days where I hated myself so much before. This pregnancy is definitely getting to my emotions and I honestly cannot say how much more I can mentally take. Everyone can see how much physical pain I am in, but I cannot express enough how much my mind has been effected. There is not a day that goes by that I don't shed tears. There is nothing I want more in the world than to have these babies. Yes, I am very concerned about their health and want to make it to that 32 week milestone, but I just don't have any fight left in me. I can't pretend that I am happy anymore. I do not smile or laugh, and "looking at the bright side of things" is far past me. I can't sit here and accept the ongoing encouragement from family, friends, and even strangers... I greatly appreciate everyone's support, but I'm breaking down here and I have gotten to the point where I know I am the only one that can get me through this, whether that is happily or not. I know this will be over soon, yes I know!!! But everyday has been a sacrifice, everyday has been a struggle, everyday has broken my family little by little. It's all added up to one BIG mess and I am just holding on to that very last bit to hold us together.
SACRIFICE... I hate that word. I don't know why, I just do. Although I have sacrificed many things in my past, it has NEVER been to this extreme. And to sacrifice so much for 2 people that were perfect strangers less than a year ago is hard to accept. But, I'm a surrogate and that's the challenge we are faced with everyday that we do this...
My youngest sister got engaged, and because of my emotional and physical instability, I had to miss her engagement party. I'm sure she will never let me live that one down =(
Maxwell (my youngest) had his first day of mommy-and-me preschool, and both mommy and me could not attend.
My husband's best friend (a couple we have known since high school) are getting married in 2 weeks, my husband a groomsman, and by the looks of it, I will not be able to go. My husband will go dateless to the rehearsal dinner, wedding, and celebration brunch.
My little man (3 year old son) starts real preschool for the first time the first week of September. I really have no idea how I am going to feel if I miss him walking through the gates to his teacher for the very first time. As a mom, this is what I work and strive for. Kids only have one day of their VERY first day of school. I can't say what is going to happen in the next few weeks, but I am holding onto that small hope that I will be there.
There are so many more things that I could tell you about that I have passed up for the health of these babies. Yes- birthday parties, playdates, family dinners, shopping days with the girls, and other little things can soon be in the past and forgotten. But, if you really look at the big picture, I am letting my family down more than anyone. My boys had no choice in me becoming a surrogate and everyday seems like a punishment for them. Jackson realizes the pain I encounter everyday and he can see it on my face. I try not to let him see me cry, but when he does he asks "Mommy, are the babies hurt? Are they making you sad??" That is a horrible thing to hear from a 3 year old and sadly he senses my pain. My husband has supported me since day one, but if he knew this pregnancy was going to bring this much on me, I don't think he would have agreed. He has been my rock and without him I couldn't have survived any of this. But, he never asked for this amount of stress and worry. His wife is in a painful situation and he feels completely helpless that he cannot get me out of it.
So, to my family that I have continued to let down because of this challenge God has thrown my way, I am sorry. This wasn't supposed to happen this way, but life is full of challenges and as a family we will get through them all. I wish this journey was easier on us all and all I can say now is.... WE ARE ALMOST THERE!!!!!
If my IP's are out there reading this, please try to understand. I know you have had to deal with more complaining than anyone can imagine and you have been the greatest support. You deserve a family just as much as anyone in the world and I cannot wait to see you holding your 3 little girls. I know the pregnancy is only temporary and will soon be a thing of the past. You will have 3 lives to last a lifetime and I couldn't imagine better parents for them. I'm hanging in there for you and I am not giving up. I promise to give you the 3 healthiest babies that I can!!
Well, you have heard about all of the emotional and physical pain I have conquered so far. I really thought things couldn't get any worse until this past week. You know, I see it like this: some women have a pretty manageable time carrying triplets, but they have lots of medical issues and have the babies pretty early, and then there are women (like me) who have one of the healthiest triplet pregnancies but just get the worst symptoms ever imaginable. I guess you can't have your cake (blahhhh, food!) and eat it too!!!
The weight in my belly is nearly KILLING me!! The babies have definitely dropped and it feels as if a bowling ball is resting inside me, nearing the south exit. Yesterday, I really felt as if something was going to drop out!! I had to look down there to make sure that wasn't happening!! I can't walk with my legs together because it really feels as if I am squishing a head and the pain is so unbearable. My nausea has come back at full force, just as bad as first trimester. Dinner is the worst and most times as I am chewing I start to gag, holding in the vomit. The Zofran prescribed to me does nothing but make me tired. One positive thing prescribed to me is the Ambien... I now sleep much more soundly. Don't get me wrong- I still wake up every 30 minutes to alter my position, but I don't have episodes where I stay up for hours on end not being able to sleep.
Strict bed rest has been near impossible. I don't even think chaining me to the bed could keep me down all day!! Yes, if I didn't have 2 toddlers and a husband who worked 70 hours a week, I could lay in bed all day without a care in the world. Besides having mommy responsibilities, the nerves in back have horrible episodes... if I don't immediately stand up to walk off the sudden jolt of pain, my body would be frozen in it's exact position for who knows how long. I'm not running a mini marathon every day or anything and I am resting as much as I can. I NEVER go anywhere (okay, I'm guilty of a 5 minute car ride with my family the other day just to get out of the house), but getting up out of bed once in a while is better for me and everyone... trust me!!!
I think this guy is the only one who enjoys the bed rest! It's so weird how he can sense when I am pregnant. He loves laying on my big belly!! However, Dodger isn't a fan of me bringing home babies!! He definitely is regressing, doing bad things all of a sudden. If only he could understand that these babies aren't coming home with me!!
Now for the emotional journey...
I have never had days where I hated myself so much before. This pregnancy is definitely getting to my emotions and I honestly cannot say how much more I can mentally take. Everyone can see how much physical pain I am in, but I cannot express enough how much my mind has been effected. There is not a day that goes by that I don't shed tears. There is nothing I want more in the world than to have these babies. Yes, I am very concerned about their health and want to make it to that 32 week milestone, but I just don't have any fight left in me. I can't pretend that I am happy anymore. I do not smile or laugh, and "looking at the bright side of things" is far past me. I can't sit here and accept the ongoing encouragement from family, friends, and even strangers... I greatly appreciate everyone's support, but I'm breaking down here and I have gotten to the point where I know I am the only one that can get me through this, whether that is happily or not. I know this will be over soon, yes I know!!! But everyday has been a sacrifice, everyday has been a struggle, everyday has broken my family little by little. It's all added up to one BIG mess and I am just holding on to that very last bit to hold us together.
SACRIFICE... I hate that word. I don't know why, I just do. Although I have sacrificed many things in my past, it has NEVER been to this extreme. And to sacrifice so much for 2 people that were perfect strangers less than a year ago is hard to accept. But, I'm a surrogate and that's the challenge we are faced with everyday that we do this...
My youngest sister got engaged, and because of my emotional and physical instability, I had to miss her engagement party. I'm sure she will never let me live that one down =(
Maxwell (my youngest) had his first day of mommy-and-me preschool, and both mommy and me could not attend.
My husband's best friend (a couple we have known since high school) are getting married in 2 weeks, my husband a groomsman, and by the looks of it, I will not be able to go. My husband will go dateless to the rehearsal dinner, wedding, and celebration brunch.
My little man (3 year old son) starts real preschool for the first time the first week of September. I really have no idea how I am going to feel if I miss him walking through the gates to his teacher for the very first time. As a mom, this is what I work and strive for. Kids only have one day of their VERY first day of school. I can't say what is going to happen in the next few weeks, but I am holding onto that small hope that I will be there.
There are so many more things that I could tell you about that I have passed up for the health of these babies. Yes- birthday parties, playdates, family dinners, shopping days with the girls, and other little things can soon be in the past and forgotten. But, if you really look at the big picture, I am letting my family down more than anyone. My boys had no choice in me becoming a surrogate and everyday seems like a punishment for them. Jackson realizes the pain I encounter everyday and he can see it on my face. I try not to let him see me cry, but when he does he asks "Mommy, are the babies hurt? Are they making you sad??" That is a horrible thing to hear from a 3 year old and sadly he senses my pain. My husband has supported me since day one, but if he knew this pregnancy was going to bring this much on me, I don't think he would have agreed. He has been my rock and without him I couldn't have survived any of this. But, he never asked for this amount of stress and worry. His wife is in a painful situation and he feels completely helpless that he cannot get me out of it.
So, to my family that I have continued to let down because of this challenge God has thrown my way, I am sorry. This wasn't supposed to happen this way, but life is full of challenges and as a family we will get through them all. I wish this journey was easier on us all and all I can say now is.... WE ARE ALMOST THERE!!!!!
If my IP's are out there reading this, please try to understand. I know you have had to deal with more complaining than anyone can imagine and you have been the greatest support. You deserve a family just as much as anyone in the world and I cannot wait to see you holding your 3 little girls. I know the pregnancy is only temporary and will soon be a thing of the past. You will have 3 lives to last a lifetime and I couldn't imagine better parents for them. I'm hanging in there for you and I am not giving up. I promise to give you the 3 healthiest babies that I can!!
29 weeks... Clothes do not fit anymore!!!
I have no updates on the babies. We have an appointment this Tuesday so I will be sure to post that night to keep everyone updated on their health!! Praying for good news and to keep us out of the hospital.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
28 Weeks!!!!
Yay!!!! We made it to 28 weeks!!!
One of the biggest milestones. Most triplets born at this point will survive, with only a 15% chance of having long term health problems. We get our bronze medal for this big achievement... 30 weeks is the silver, 32 weeks is the GOLD!!!
After being in Labor and Delivery on Tuesday, my doctor called on Thursday to tell me to return. He was very concerned with my continuous rapid heart rate and needed to run tests as soon as possible. I left for the hospital in the morning and didn't return home until early evening. Yes, it is normal for a pregnant woman, especially one carrying triplets, to have somewhat of an elevated heart rate, but a resting heart rate over 130 causes major concerns. The doctors performed an EKG and blood work. It all came back normal, just elevated. While I was there, we monitored contractions which never seemed to stop. They got pretty strong, every few minutes. Again, no cervical change and my cervix was measuring over 3cm. So, I was released, once again, and put on STRICT BED REST!!!
We then went back for a routine visit on Friday (yesterday). So many visits!!! I'm really starting to miss my family =(. Anyway, we had a somewhat lengthy ultrasound to measure the girls. I can't believe how close they are in size. Baby A is 2lb 10oz, Baby B is 2lb 11oz, and Baby C is 2lb 10oz!!! Wow, they are almost 3 pounds each... that is a lot of weight for me to be carrying around.
I am officially measuring full term. My uterus is stretched to 40 weeks and is wondering why we are still at this! So, if any of you wonder what it is like to be 9 months pregnant + some, don't ask... it's horrible!!
I only gained one pound since last visit. That's a total of 26 pounds so far!! With my first baby, only one, I gained 50 pounds! Oh, I like the sounds of that. Hopefully the weight will just shed off after delivery and my biggest fears will be overcome!!
The doctor has no idea when we are expected to deliver. He is not scheduling a c-section just yet, because we can go anytime between now and a few weeks. Although this bed rest thing absolutely sucks and could not come at a worse time, I just have to be thankful I am staying out of the hospital. The pain of these contractions can really hit sometimes and the pressure down south is getting to become unbearable. But, I just have to monitor it all and go in whenever I sense a change.
I don't think I can feel any worse!! Okay, maybe I can =) Doctor now has me on prenatal vitamins, folic acid, iron supplements, Zofran, and Ambien. But, with the contractions, pressure, nausea, insomnia, back pain, hot flashes, and more, I don't know how much longer I can go on!! I know I really don't have a choice, but I think my mind is going absolutely INSANE!!!! My patience has been lost long ago and I really feel as if something has taken over my entire freedom and will never let me go!!
I always told myself that I could not wait to reach 28 weeks, then I would know the end is near and I could handle the rest. So, I gotta keep telling myself how close we really are.
Awwww... as I am writing this post, my husband just brought me in flowers (and late for work)!! He really does LOVE me and is the best ever ♥♥♥!!
I think it is only natural and expected for me (the one going through all of this pain and torture) to have my days where I just scream and yell and beg for these babies to come. Although in my heart I want them to cook as long as possible, some days I feel that there isn't anything I want more than for them to be delivered. As a result, I need nothing more than encouragement right now. I don't want to listen to any more negative comments from people (yes, you know who you are)!! It really doesn't help telling me how much YOU can't wait for this to be over... REALLY?!? If it's because you are tired of hearing my complaining, then roll on out and don't listen to me for the next couple weeks. If it's because you hate seeing me in this pain, then why don't you tell me how proud you are of me rather than telling me how crazy I am for choosing to do this!! Just remember people... I have 3 lives inside of me. Three lives that I grew and kept healthy. Three lives that I will be able to give to an amazing couple. I MADE A FAMILY!!!!! Now, can you say you have EVER done anything as great as that??? I highly doubt it, so please stop contributing to my depression and have a heart... support me!!!
So, no babies just yet. We have another appointment on the 17th, unless something else happens until then. I will keep updating on anything new, but in the mean time, it's rest for me!!!
One of the biggest milestones. Most triplets born at this point will survive, with only a 15% chance of having long term health problems. We get our bronze medal for this big achievement... 30 weeks is the silver, 32 weeks is the GOLD!!!
After being in Labor and Delivery on Tuesday, my doctor called on Thursday to tell me to return. He was very concerned with my continuous rapid heart rate and needed to run tests as soon as possible. I left for the hospital in the morning and didn't return home until early evening. Yes, it is normal for a pregnant woman, especially one carrying triplets, to have somewhat of an elevated heart rate, but a resting heart rate over 130 causes major concerns. The doctors performed an EKG and blood work. It all came back normal, just elevated. While I was there, we monitored contractions which never seemed to stop. They got pretty strong, every few minutes. Again, no cervical change and my cervix was measuring over 3cm. So, I was released, once again, and put on STRICT BED REST!!!
We then went back for a routine visit on Friday (yesterday). So many visits!!! I'm really starting to miss my family =(. Anyway, we had a somewhat lengthy ultrasound to measure the girls. I can't believe how close they are in size. Baby A is 2lb 10oz, Baby B is 2lb 11oz, and Baby C is 2lb 10oz!!! Wow, they are almost 3 pounds each... that is a lot of weight for me to be carrying around.
I am officially measuring full term. My uterus is stretched to 40 weeks and is wondering why we are still at this! So, if any of you wonder what it is like to be 9 months pregnant + some, don't ask... it's horrible!!
I only gained one pound since last visit. That's a total of 26 pounds so far!! With my first baby, only one, I gained 50 pounds! Oh, I like the sounds of that. Hopefully the weight will just shed off after delivery and my biggest fears will be overcome!!
The doctor has no idea when we are expected to deliver. He is not scheduling a c-section just yet, because we can go anytime between now and a few weeks. Although this bed rest thing absolutely sucks and could not come at a worse time, I just have to be thankful I am staying out of the hospital. The pain of these contractions can really hit sometimes and the pressure down south is getting to become unbearable. But, I just have to monitor it all and go in whenever I sense a change.
I don't think I can feel any worse!! Okay, maybe I can =) Doctor now has me on prenatal vitamins, folic acid, iron supplements, Zofran, and Ambien. But, with the contractions, pressure, nausea, insomnia, back pain, hot flashes, and more, I don't know how much longer I can go on!! I know I really don't have a choice, but I think my mind is going absolutely INSANE!!!! My patience has been lost long ago and I really feel as if something has taken over my entire freedom and will never let me go!!
I always told myself that I could not wait to reach 28 weeks, then I would know the end is near and I could handle the rest. So, I gotta keep telling myself how close we really are.
Awwww... as I am writing this post, my husband just brought me in flowers (and late for work)!! He really does LOVE me and is the best ever ♥♥♥!!
I think it is only natural and expected for me (the one going through all of this pain and torture) to have my days where I just scream and yell and beg for these babies to come. Although in my heart I want them to cook as long as possible, some days I feel that there isn't anything I want more than for them to be delivered. As a result, I need nothing more than encouragement right now. I don't want to listen to any more negative comments from people (yes, you know who you are)!! It really doesn't help telling me how much YOU can't wait for this to be over... REALLY?!? If it's because you are tired of hearing my complaining, then roll on out and don't listen to me for the next couple weeks. If it's because you hate seeing me in this pain, then why don't you tell me how proud you are of me rather than telling me how crazy I am for choosing to do this!! Just remember people... I have 3 lives inside of me. Three lives that I grew and kept healthy. Three lives that I will be able to give to an amazing couple. I MADE A FAMILY!!!!! Now, can you say you have EVER done anything as great as that??? I highly doubt it, so please stop contributing to my depression and have a heart... support me!!!
So, no babies just yet. We have another appointment on the 17th, unless something else happens until then. I will keep updating on anything new, but in the mean time, it's rest for me!!!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
A Day in Labor & Delivery
So, yesterday was a very eventful day!! I think I gave everyone a BIG scare, but I am happy to say the buns are still in the oven and we are all back at home.
It all started after my morning hair appointment. During those relaxing 2 hours, I went to the bathroom a few times and a few more times in the first hour I got home. Although I was emptying my bladder, my undies kept becoming completely wet, soaking through my jean shorts!! After going through a couple pairs, I called my nurse to see what to do. It could have been a number of things, and I wanted to be sure of what it was. Of course, my doctor advised me to come in.
Early on in my visit they did lots of tests to see what was going on. It all was quite uncomfortable, having all sorts of doctors, nurses, and students going in and out down south!! They finally determined that the leaking was not amniotic fluid. That was a great sign. They then began to monitor my contractions...
At first it appeared that I had an "irritable uterus" that could have been from dehydration. So, they loaded me up with tons of water, however, the contractions got worse and more frequent. For hours I was contracting every 2-4 minutes, and they weren't small ones either. Over and over again, I was asked, "Can you feel them?" Of course I could feel them!! "Are they painful?" It wasn't so much painful as it was uncomfortable, but then again I handle pain amazingly well... shoot, I pushed out a 10 1/2 pound baby without making a sound!!!
So, I waited there to see what the contractions were going to do. I got some medication to try and stop them. It seemed to do the trick for a little while, but they just returned. There was another, stronger medication (I'm so bad with remembering the medical terms) that they wanted to try. However, due to my unexplained high heart rate they could not give it a try.
Why has my heart rate been extremely high throughout this whole pregnancy? Is it because of the pregnancy or do I experience this when I am not pregnant as well? When I was at complete rest, my heart rate was over 130?!? I had the same issue when I was admitted in the hospital for pneumonia at 16 weeks. It just never seems to go down and sometimes gets dangerously high. Doctors say that is a concern that should definitely be checked out after this pregnancy. Hopefully everything is okay in that area.
My cervix was checked a first time... closed!! After waiting for hours, and after an evening staff change, it was just my luck that my next doctor was one of the hottest OB doctors you will ever see!!! Where was my single, sexy, older sister when I needed her there the most?!?! That "check" was definitely an awkward one and it would be just my luck that I wasn't prepared for this surprise visit and who knows what down south looked like lately!! Way to make a situation even more uncomfortable!!
Anyway, at the end of the night all we could conclude was that I was having continuous, strong contractions that weren't causing cervical change. There isn't any other signs of labor and the babies seem to be fine. Although the contractions never stopped, I got to come home. As long as they are manageable for me and I am not in severe pain, I will monitor them at home and return to the hospital if anything worsens.
We are so close to being done, 28 weeks on Friday!! My IP's are making their big move down here today, so they shouldn't miss any more surprises!! So, bring on the pain uterus!! And ladies... please don't make me miserable for too much longer!! I think my sanity is about to go next =)
It all started after my morning hair appointment. During those relaxing 2 hours, I went to the bathroom a few times and a few more times in the first hour I got home. Although I was emptying my bladder, my undies kept becoming completely wet, soaking through my jean shorts!! After going through a couple pairs, I called my nurse to see what to do. It could have been a number of things, and I wanted to be sure of what it was. Of course, my doctor advised me to come in.
Early on in my visit they did lots of tests to see what was going on. It all was quite uncomfortable, having all sorts of doctors, nurses, and students going in and out down south!! They finally determined that the leaking was not amniotic fluid. That was a great sign. They then began to monitor my contractions...
At first it appeared that I had an "irritable uterus" that could have been from dehydration. So, they loaded me up with tons of water, however, the contractions got worse and more frequent. For hours I was contracting every 2-4 minutes, and they weren't small ones either. Over and over again, I was asked, "Can you feel them?" Of course I could feel them!! "Are they painful?" It wasn't so much painful as it was uncomfortable, but then again I handle pain amazingly well... shoot, I pushed out a 10 1/2 pound baby without making a sound!!!
So, I waited there to see what the contractions were going to do. I got some medication to try and stop them. It seemed to do the trick for a little while, but they just returned. There was another, stronger medication (I'm so bad with remembering the medical terms) that they wanted to try. However, due to my unexplained high heart rate they could not give it a try.
Why has my heart rate been extremely high throughout this whole pregnancy? Is it because of the pregnancy or do I experience this when I am not pregnant as well? When I was at complete rest, my heart rate was over 130?!? I had the same issue when I was admitted in the hospital for pneumonia at 16 weeks. It just never seems to go down and sometimes gets dangerously high. Doctors say that is a concern that should definitely be checked out after this pregnancy. Hopefully everything is okay in that area.
My cervix was checked a first time... closed!! After waiting for hours, and after an evening staff change, it was just my luck that my next doctor was one of the hottest OB doctors you will ever see!!! Where was my single, sexy, older sister when I needed her there the most?!?! That "check" was definitely an awkward one and it would be just my luck that I wasn't prepared for this surprise visit and who knows what down south looked like lately!! Way to make a situation even more uncomfortable!!
Anyway, at the end of the night all we could conclude was that I was having continuous, strong contractions that weren't causing cervical change. There isn't any other signs of labor and the babies seem to be fine. Although the contractions never stopped, I got to come home. As long as they are manageable for me and I am not in severe pain, I will monitor them at home and return to the hospital if anything worsens.
We are so close to being done, 28 weeks on Friday!! My IP's are making their big move down here today, so they shouldn't miss any more surprises!! So, bring on the pain uterus!! And ladies... please don't make me miserable for too much longer!! I think my sanity is about to go next =)
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